Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Lately from the collection of blogs I have written and the “hardships” I appear to be suffering from people get the impression that I am unhappy. I do have to admit that sometimes I do sound like an emo, especially when you take into consideration the music I list following the “downer” blog entry but I would like to clarify that I am not unhappy, I am just incomplete. I tend to be a very analytical and deep thinking person, thus I enjoy using my blogs as a way to do so and reflect by rereading what I have written, unfortunately for me it comes across differently for some readers. I find it rather hard to take something at face value most of the time or believe everything I hear the first time around, as terrible a quality that may or may not be.

I have a group of very close friends and we have all tried to maintain a close connection and make time for each other, even when I was in a relationship I saw them as much as I could because I truly enjoy being around them. Nowadays however I feel like that connection has been a little lost and as the tables turn and I am the only single friend I am alone. I don’t resent them for being “happy” or for their being in relationships I just resent the fact that it seems so difficult to maintain friendships. As I find myself in this situation, like I previously blogged, I feel like there is less and less keeping me here.

Naturally, I have been reflecting on my friendships and the special bond that each of us share and although I love them and the relationships we have I feel as though the only person that ever fully understood me or made me feel fulfilled was my last boyfriend. I hate to be one of those people who seem to never get over a past relationship but I feel strongly that there are certain people in life who you are meant to encounter and he was definitely one of them. From the way we met to the way everything developed and still has its hold on me, there is something unique and puzzling about it all. I realize I was the one who severed our relationship and I did it because I felt like it was missing something but now I wonder if that was really it. At this stage in my life, 7 months after the official end to our labelled coupling, and roughly 3 months after the official end to civil conversation with one another I am missing our connection more than ever and as such I feel like I am incomplete.

I don’t entirely know how one is suppose to overcome these feelings or if they are suppose to be overcome but I am really struggling to figure things out. Like I mentioned, I am honestly not unhappy; I have much to be grateful for not to mention the fact that all of my hard academic work is finally coming to an end and I have a lot of accomplishments to be proud of, but something is missing. 2010 is going to be an exciting year for me on so many levels I just feel like there is no one I can honestly share completely how I feel about it all. Some may argue that time will “heal” and that I will get past this stage but I just don’t know, the feelings I have I don’t actively conjure up or force  myself to have, they overcome me and I have no choice in the matter, which is why I am finding this so difficult.

The fact that it has been so long and we have been apart for a significant amount of time really makes me believe distance makes the heart grow fonder. My appreciation for the friendship we shared and just the presence of this person in my life has increased greatly and it is strange how time makes you realize more dual faults than the one sided bad habits you were blinded by at the time. Partly probably due to this newly developed respect for the relationship through the reflection of our past, anger appears too. To think that we both experienced the same relationship but now we don’t even as much as talk to each other is no less than upsetting.

How can this all be overcome? Is it suppose to be overcome? How many people in your lifetime are you suppose to feel unexplainable connections to? Are we ever suppose to feel complete forever or is it something that is always going to come and go?

I have confidence in my feelings and it feels rather good to get them loosely into words regardless of the fact that I still have no answers and don’t intend on finding any soon. Some may still think this whole blog was a crock of BS or that I have just overthought my existence but I am glad I wrote it!

Happy Monday to all, another week is upon us.

Concert wish list

Living on a budget is rough times, thus I make a list of shows coming up I would like to go to and figure out which I can justify budgeting into my allocated entertainment fund:

- Chixdiggit February 14 @ Republik $15
- SNFU March 11 @ Republik  $15
- Vampire Weekend March 13 @ Machall $27.50
- Alexisonfire March 16 @ The Saddledome $50 minimum
- Chris Botti April 13 @ The Jack Singer $50 minimum
- Zion I March 28 @ Republik $25
- The Fray February 20 @ The Jack Singer $50 minimum
- Muse and Silversun Pickups March 30 @ The Saddledome $50 minimum
- Michael Buble August 17 @  The Saddledome $50 minimum

It is a downer that AOF is here as a guest of Billy Talent, I don’t like the idea of paying $50 to see AOF for 20 minutes and then a night of Rusted from the Rain. To add to that, the Saddledome is such a shit venue and I might as well watch the artist on TV which makes the Muse/Silversun and Buble shows a downer as well.  I wish there were more shows at rad lower key locales. It is looking like my budget could be blown real fast, boo to all your mainstream artists who take advantage of fans willing to pay to see you (just kidding, sorta, most are reasonably priced). The other problem is that I also need to manage to find someone who wants to come with me, people may get tired of me razzing them to go to shows. Hmmmm, so many tough decisions in life.

If I can’t have you then I don’t want to be here

Finding a career for post graduate life is becoming such a burden. I never realized how difficult it could really become. I feel so discouraged when I see a job that seems like a dream and then the qualifications are way above what I could offer within the next 10 years. How is a new graduate suppose to find a job in their field when no one wants them?! Internships, the majority of them at least, even require you to be at least enrolled in a graduate studies program. We are told to go to university so we can get good jobs but once you have a degree you still can’t get the job you went to school for.

I have applied to a few places, but I am not even sure if I went about applying the right way or if I even have a chance. I also find myself confused with the U of C’s graduation process as although I finish in June I don’t get to convocate until November and it seems to make everything that much more difficult. Needless to say I am going to be really glad when I finally get a job somewhere and don’t have to keep worrying about all these technicalities.

Some tell me I have too high of expectations due to my strong desire to relocate but I don’t think it seems that far fetched considering I did spend my entire undergraduate experience learning about the world thus applying that knowledge would be a logical desire?

My bond to this city that is my home town continues to disintegrate and I know in my heart I won’t be happy if I am stuck here. I have wanted to get away for so long and now that I will be free to do so I want it even more. Lately I feel as though I am destined to leave anyhow, there is nothing tying me here. I love my friends and I would miss them dearly but they are all in relationships and lead new lives, my family all have things of their own to do and sadly enough there is only one person in this city I would stay here for and I am already apart from them making my absence from Calgary seem of no consequence.

I have up to present day applied for:
- an internship at TOMS
- a general application to TOMS
- a job in Haiti with CARE
- a general application to Save the Children Canada
- a general application to the Red Cross
- a job teaching English in South Korea

Luckily I heard back from one, and will be having an interview with the company that places teachers in Korea on the 16th. What my future holds, who knows but I am excited for it to play out and take me somewhere exciting.

Anyone with information on jobs for a new Political Science graduate feel free to send me a message!

Soothing sounds for my runny nose and I today:
The Panics – Lazyitis
Metric –  Rock me Now
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Shame and Fortune
Silversun Pickups – Catch and Release
The Fray – Ungodly Hour

The tuition debate continues

Today was the designated day to speak out about the proposed tuition increases on campus. As previously mentioned I am furious about the proposal and I won’t even be going back to school in the fall, but I am pretty good at seeing something that is complete bullshit when I see it and I still feel strongly about the whole situation.

How does a university justify a tuition increase upwards to 47% through a “market modifier”? I am sorry but the University of Calgary, and probably others, have lost their roots. It appears to be all about money and the market now and less about the desire to give students a quality education. Again as I have already mentioned in my four years at the university I have seen a lot of tuition increases and no increases in the quality of education I receive. Oh wait I did notice the arrival of new plush leather chairs in Machall a year or so ago. Plush leather is important to have of course, practical less costly furniture definitely would not have sufficed afterall.

Despite the vast areas in need of improvement and the lack of understanding where my money actually goes, the thing that makes me most angry about this whole situation is the fact that it is known that the University of Calgary was one of the largest Canadian investors in sub-prime mortgages. As we all know, those went over really well. You would think an institute of well educated people would have been able to figure that out for themselves rather than gamble away our money wouldn’t you?

The U of C needs to find a way to fix their own mistakes that is not at the expense of its students. Accountability, is key.

“They don’t want poets, they want pigeons on a stool.”

For those interested the chart for the proposed amounts and the provost’s justifications:

http://www.ucalgary.ca/provost/notes

Listen to:
Cold War Kids – Welcome to the Occupation
Kid Cudi – Simple As
Kid Cudi –  Up, up & Away
Alexisonfire – Accept Crime
Cuban Cigar Crisis – Wuthering Heights
Cuban Cigar Crisis – Silver Goons
Knaan – If Rap gets Jealous
Vampire Weekend – A-Punk

Successful event for Haiti

Last night was the big day, I am sure many will be happy to see  me finally cease to tweet, facebook and blog about the event. Despite the fact that the night I had long anticipated started out quite chaotically it turned out better than we could have asked for. It was great to see a line up of over 80 people before the doors even opened and it was equally nice to see people donating beyond the $7 price tag for a ticket. Needless to say we actually ran out of tickets and had to start recycling the old and therefore lost count of how many people were in attendance however it was definitely more than last year.

All the bands (Debra, The Shagbots and Fireside Riot) did a fantastic job, they definitely brought it last night and I am so happy they were generous enough to dedicate their time the way they did. We also had a great turn out of volunteers, so many in fact I ran out of jobs for them to do! It isn’t often that happens, but it was great to see! We ended up earning over $3500 for Save the Children Haitian relief efforts which will be doubled by the Government of Canada resulting in the event earning Haiti in total $7000! That is a fantastic figure anyway you look at it and again I thank everyone for making the night the success it was.

Obviously after last night I am in a music listening kind of mood, thus follows my current play list:
Cold War Kids – Against Privacy
Cold War Kids – Hospital Beds
Cuban Cigar Crisis – Wuthering Heights
Debra – Dr. Strangelove
The Shagbots – Kaolin met Kiln
Lagwagon – Falling Apart
Passion Pit – Little Secrets

What am I paying for? It definitely doesn’t seem to be my education.

After four years of my undergraduate education, thus meaning four years on campus, I have noticed several ways my constantly increasing tuition has not been benefiting me. My tuition went from being less than $5000 in my first year to over $7000 in 4 years time, that my friends is significant. With that book prices have also gone up and in an attempt to be green they even charge for bags now. I get the reuse your bags concept but when I’m paying $400 for books a semester minimum and $7000 tuition I’m not overly thrilled about having to pay another $1.50 for every bag I may need to carry my boat load of books.

On a more serious level classroom accommodation is lousy, not only are the desks shitty (most being half together and usually wobbly) but the chances of even getting  a seat are at times slim. In my 400 level political science class this semester students, more then 5 or 6, have had to sit on the floor on more than one occasion because the registrar scheduled us into a classroom too small to accommodate the students; a classroom for 78 students with only 66 desks. Not only is that completely unacceptable in itself, but the fact that my prof raised his concerns to the university and they claimed to have added more seats when the same thing happened all over again makes the whole thing even worse. So I pay thousands of dollars a year to sit on a floor in a freezing cold classroom? Sounds like a good deal to me… not.

Further to that, parking has gone up every year. I suppose this is “normal” but what is the purpose of gouging the wrong audience — poor students?  I remember when it was $3.00 to park in lot 11 and now it is $4.00 and when it was $12.00/day maximum in the “convenient” lots when you are running late, now it is $19.00. I have since taken up riding the bus and even that is shit, as a full time spring semester student you can’t even get a U-pass unless you are a grad student. Go figure.

Anyone who doesn’t brown bag their lunch or accidentally forgets to bring something to eat also get gouged.  I wanted to grab a sandwich so I could eat between my full day of classes (no breaks so I didn’t have much choice as to where to go) and a regular sandwich made on regular bread I buy for home cost me $6.01, I don’t even get Subway quality with that six bucks just  a plain sandwich you make at home! What gives?!

We need more accountability for our tuition!! University is suppose to be about education and teaching the future, seems like it has decided being a profitable organization is more important.

Many thanks

Considering all of the FREE media and advertising support Save the Children U of C has received for our big event on January 30 I feel obligated to give thanks to all of those willing to help us out:

- Astral Media (Vibe 98.5, AM1060 and CJay 92.9)
- Amp Radio 90.3
- Calgary Herald
- FFWD Weekly
- Calgary Fashion
- CJSW
- Shaw TV
- NXEW
- CBC
- CTV
- Collectively Eclectic
- Humanitarian Coalition

Again I have said it before but it is amazing to see the way people come together for the right cause and many thanks to Fireside Riot, Debra and the Shagbots for making it happen!

Karma is good

…most of the time!

To follow up on yesterday’s entry about people actually paying attention I got a call today from the local TV station about airing our story!

I hope above all that these efforts and cooperation from local media will help us in only making this event reach its full potention in getting significant funds sent to Haiti to help the people there who are desperately in need. It feels so good to be putting something this great together, it feels even better when the results are great.

Reporting back when all this craze calms down!

Someone IS paying attention

Today is the day I realize someone actually is paying attention.  It doesn’t necessarily matter who is paying attention (unless it’s a creep or something) just nice to know every once in a while that you are being paid attention to; it is nice to know your efforts are not always for nothing.

After all of my efforts with this Haiti Indie Rock fundraiser things are starting to come together! We got published on the front page of today’s entertainment section of the Calgary Herald, on Vibe 98.5 and CJay 92.1’s public announcement section, CJSW’s concert listings and on the Save the Children website! It is super good news for us, hopefully all the free media help will aide in the turn out for our event!

On top of that my suggested Cuban Cigar Crisis song to Alan Cross’ “The List” made it!

It really is the small things in life…

Thank you to everyone helping us out!

http://communities.canada.com/calgaryherald/blogs/onthescene/archive/2010/01/18/calgary-artists-step-up-for-haiti.aspx

Local talent, Haiti relief and non-apathetic youth

Sounds like quite the combination doesn’t it? Probably because it is.

As some of you may be aware I am the executive vice president of a campus club which is an extension of the international organization Save the Children. A close friend of mine was the founder of the club on the University of Calgary campus and since then he and I have been working with all sorts of peers to help raise awareness for the cause as well as funds through fun, youth oriented activities on campus.  We’ve had a pirate themed cabaret night at the campus bar, several cupcake sales and most successfully last year we had an indie rock night where three local bands volunteered their time and talent to put on a fundraiser show for us. We had over 300 people show up the the indie rock night last year and we raised over $2000 for the organization, which we found to greatly successful.

This year we have been fortunate enough to be able to host the Second Annual Indie Rock Night again at the Den (the campus bar) with two returning bands and one new act. Debra and the Shagbots were a great hit last year and we were given plenty of great feedback about their performances at our event. Again as you have probably heard me mention them several times whether through brief musical mentionings within my blogs or in my playlists, these guys are really great as people and as artists. Fireside Riot is a new band in the city but they too seem to be taking off quite quickly and are very talented.

Now since the crisis and devastation in Haiti, my club email has been flooded with emails asking us about our intentions for helping out with the situation in Haiti or ways we know they could do so. This immediately triggered the idea of focusing the entire Second Annual Indie Rock Night towards raising money for the Haitian relief that Save the Children is providing. On top of this wonderful transition of general fundraising into a specific cause we were happy to learn that the Government of Canada has agreed to match donations made through charitable organizations, including Save the Children. With that, we are now able to not only host an event and raise funds for a current much needing crisis but also double all the funds we raise!

What is key to all of this is the fact that these bands are up and coming artists trying to do something they love and maybe make a dime or two doing it but despite that they have generously dedicated their time and talents to help us out with a great cause. On top of that the students we have helping us, including myself are incredibly busy people who are taking a moment of their time to help make this event possible. Much thanks to the bands, to our Save the Children U of C volunteers and the University of Calgary SU for their support and help in organizing everything with us.

http://www.myspace.com/theshagbots
http://www.myspace.com/thedebrafiles
http://www.myspace.com/firesideriot

http://www.savethechildren.ca/canada/getinvolved/events/event_pages/2009-01-24_Calgary.html