Crappy acronyms and conjunction BS

I am a pretty big fan of spelling words properly, using correct grammar and making anything I write look and sound half decent. Partially due to the e-world we live in and from experience working in a very specific industry I have noticed that there are an astounding amount of acronyms being used today. Furthermore, conjunctions are popping up all over the place. Why does everything have to be squished into one word? Why are people always looking for shortcuts? In my opinion, acronyms and made up 5-in-1 words are butchering our language as we know it. No, they don’t evolve it. No, they don’t make communication easier. Often times people start getting confused just trying to figure out what you’re trying to say. If you ask me, they actually regress us as a society –  if we aren’t careful this trend will consume us and we will all sound like our primitive ancestors who had little to no vocabulary.

By all means, if you want to be all “old school” again and sound like a high class ape, go for it! I prefer the “old school” styles of the romantic period and enlightenment when spoken language was eloquent and lovely to listen to or read, but hey, that’s just me!

Below are a few of my favourites -

tbh - “to be honest”
Seriously?! This statement, as I traditionally knew to use it, was meant as a way of showing sincerity. How does one imagine sincerity is possible when you can’t even seem to find the effort to spell the two 2-letter words and one 6 letter word it takes to flipping compile such a phrase? Also, you don’t need to “to be honest” intro everything you say, generally speaking when you tell me something I’m going to think your more or less always being honest with me?

Example of proper use :
“What did you think of my dress last night?”
“To be honest, it looked a little tight.”
NOT
Facebook wall post – “tbh you’re rly pretty!”

lol – “laughing out loud”
I don’t care if your internally or externally laughing and this most definitely isn’t supposed to take the place of period at the end of every sentence you text me. Also, this is really awkward to hear in real life, and by awkward I mostly mean stupid.

There is no proper use for this.

tbc - “to be confirmed”
I get that “tbd” (to be determined) is a popular workplace acronym and I accept it as so since it won’t be changing anytime soon. What I don’t need though, is someone using another acronym to represent the same thing a commonly used acronym is already doing. I worked as a summer student for the university faculty of medicine which happened to be apart of the conglomerate of buildings that make up our local hospital. Also apart of this conglomerate there is a building called the “Tom Baker Cancer Centre”. When my boss asked me to check the location of a meeting he was supposed to attend I told him “Tom Baker” as the meeting appointment listed TBC. He looked at me like I was crazy and wondered why on earth he was supposed to be going there for a meeting. I assured him that was what the appointment listed so, off he went. Needless to say my boss missed a meeting and I looked like an idiot.

Just don’t use it, or clarify which one your workplace is following?

Shitpoo, cockadoodle, sniffon, etc.
Do you actually want to tell people you have a shitpoo running around your house? I realize this is now what most new-wave pets are being called but shame on whoever thought it would be clever. Again, not hard to say “shih tzu poodle cross”, and, I feel like it even sounds a little better. There comes a point when people don’t even know what breeds you have mashed together and need to ask for clarification anyway.

Not sure what to suggest but imagine how bad it can get if we keep going down this path?

 

10 Most Attractive Jobs for a Man

Don’t ask questions just know that this blog entry is necessary. Home reno and DIY television have started to skew my original idea of an ideal man. Although it may appear as though my standards have slumped, it’s not entirely true — my ability to think practically has just kicked in a little more. I used to be all about educated suit and tie wearing professionals but Carhartts are really starting to win me over.

1. Fireman/Paramedic – They save lives, how can that not be a. handy in case you need some saving or b. sexy? With one of these two around you always either have someone to put out your fire in all the right ways or someone to nurse you while you’re feeling less than optimal. Swooon.

2. Carpenter – They can build and fix things! Everything, anything! Best kind of man to have around the house. If you want a dream walk in closet with shoe storage, etc., etc. he is the man to make your dreams come true. Not to mention, pretty hot covered in soot and saw dust? Yeah! They’re also always the cute ones on the home shows.

3. Police Officer/RCMP/National Defenseman – Not only do they save lives but they also protect the community, the country, the WORLD. Figures of authority bringing bad guys to justice, and, making sure when we finally have children that our kids are safe from speeding cars in the playground zones. They’re the kind of men who make you feel all safe and stuff, ohh yeah. Hot. Do I even need to mention they wear uniforms? Rawr. Navy polyester, camo and bright red wool have never been so appealing.

4. Plumber/Electrician/HVAC/Welder (tradesman) -  Sort of the same idea as the carpenter’s appeal — these guys can be all kinds of handy. They aren’t quite as saucy as carpenters because their jobs are a bit dirtier (poop?) and far more specific so they might not be dream closet kind of handy. It is nice to know that these guys do have handy in them already however and chances are they’re going to be pretty decent at all kinds of other things.

5. Geologist – Something about these rock loving geeks has always got me a little giddy! Part of my adoration may be that I actually quite enjoy geology myself, but I’m not 100%. I guess geologists are attractive because they’re generally pretty smart, educated dudes but the kind that don’t mind getting dirty.

6. Civil, Chemical, Geological, Petroleum, Environmental (pretty much anything that isn’t IT related) Engineer – The academic tradesmen. Hot. Although engineers are infamous for being a “certain breed” (negative connotation if you know what I mean) I’ve met and befriended a lot in my day and I find most of them pretty rad. Something about seeing those pinky rings just really excites me.

7. Teacher – Um they educate the future, that is a pretty big deal. It’s attractive knowing a man enjoys being around kids/youth and will be able to set a good example for your future children together. Also, he obviously knows stuff about stuff. Gym teacher isn’t as awesome though, just saying. My personal favourite would be elementary or social studies, fyi, in case you were wondering.

8. Doctor – I’m not crazy about the idea of all sorts of whacko hours and the on call business, although I guess some of the above could be prone to that too. What I am crazy about though is the fact that these dudes are MEGA educated and can more than nurse your cold, they can overhaul your whole bod! Yay for docs.

9. Academic – Professors and published geniuses kind of academics of course. As long as the dude is making a living out of his academic ways instead of being a life long student waiting tables and living on a slummy couch somewhere — definite difference. I think being uber smart is awesome and living a life of intellectual enlightenment wouldn’t be so awful, plus people would always be so impressed by your husbands suave smartness.

10. Social Worker/Counselor/NGO - Yeah people usually think of it as a woman’s job to be a social worker or a counselor but I think choosing to help others as a career is a pretty noble life choice. I’ve met a few social working, counsel those who need it type men and I must say — impressive. If they go to Africa and hand out care packages to orphans — even more amazing.

Others that could be on the list but aren’t quite up there: Lawyer — I work with them everyday so the dream is no longer as awesome as it once could have been; Archeologist — similar appeal as Geologist; Historian — could be considered an academic; Mechanic — good to know he can keep the cars in tip top shape and use his hands well but just not as handy as others; Chef — man who can cook, kind of hot, but I can cook too…; some type of executive — dollar signs specifically come to mind.

Those that just don’t make the grade: Bicycle Couriers — arguably one of the most vile types of creature roaming the inner city; Garbageman — garbage just isn’t sexy and the smell is penetrating; Rigger/anything that pays obnoxious under educated men way too much money — I don’t have total disgust for this line of work and some of those who work up there are definitely trained professionals and even well educated but there is a giant stigma thanks to a lot of danks that work “up north” making hoards of cashflow that make the whole idea of a 10 on 4 off kind of guy not so hot.

 

Shit I don’t understand

I decided that I would like to go against the grain this year and instead of writing some type of “Best of 2011″ to blog I will just make a random list of shit I have seen a lot of lately that I don’t understand. Perhaps I may even find some of you who are willing to enlighten me. Forgive my tactless titling and use of the ultra classy word “shit” 3 too many times but I don’t know how else I would categorize what I want to list.

In the last little while I have been noticing some – ”trends” I suppose is the best way to describe them — which I do not understand whatsoever. I’d like to think I am still young enough to be in the know but I’m not sure anymore. I have also noticed some other things that I think make little sense so I thought I would throw them into the shit pile and compile a list. I know lists seem like a cop out for a blog entry, lacking content and probably going to be quite quick to write but I feel this is necessary; the following are the latest “trends” and other random shit I just do not understand :

Planking
I realize this was a warm up activity in grade 10 gym class meant for core strengthening and also an activity that looks a lot like sleeping, but what’s with pictures of people “planking” random objects all over the place? Don’t get it, doesn’t really make me laugh.

Lovely example of a "planking" girl, care of holytaco.com

Short boots or open toe heels and knee high socks
“Fashion isn’t supposed to make sense”. Wise words aren’t they? Screw that none sense, I am of the opinion that if you are cold enough that you need some uber high socks to act as pseudo-pants or to warm your toes while you wear peep toed shoes in the autumn you should just wear pants or put on some shoes meant for the season and it’s cooler temperatures.

Aww Kate Moss you look cold -- maybe you should wear pants?

Twitter
Yeah I said it, TWITTER! I thought Facebook status updates were bad enough but now people think their purpose on Earth is to tell everyone who will listen what they are doing every 60 seconds of every day. I don’t care if you are the Prime Minister of Canada or Justin Beiber, I don’t care what you want for dinner or how horrid your commute across the hall to the washroom was, and the rest of us shouldn’t either. I always thought Entertainment Tonight and irrelevant “news” shows like it were bad enough but humanity has gotten some kind of pathetic on us. Why the piss do you spend precious time during your never guaranteed days reading mindless bullshit about people who really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? Maybe you should try calling up a real friend and telling them about your day if you think it was so exciting you had to tweet every moment of it to the rest of the e-world?

Some may argue my blogging is just as bad, or worse, but I know you’re just saying it to make yourselves feel better. Go tweet about how upsetting my lack of Twitter acceptance is, please. Don’t forget to make up a lie about someone famous dying after, but not Bon Jovi because we know he is alive now that the truth about that lie surfaced.

I love Twitter as much as I love being waken up by birds outside my window chirping at 5:30 in the morning, thumbs down!

Lily’s dad on How I Met Your Mother
It may not seem like a big deal but I just don’t understand why Lily’s dad has to be so creepy and downright unattractive? I get that he is meant to be a weirdo but at least give me something better to look at and/or someone I actually find funny when he stops in for an episode. Bleeh.

The picture says it all

Zooey Deschanel
I get that she  is beautiful, I understand 500 Days of Summer was a good movie and I even get that she is a pretty nice singer but what the piss!!!?? Why are people so obsessed with this girl? If I had to have a conversation with her I would probably want to kick her teeth in before she even finished her first sentence. Sarcasm is trendy I suppose, everyone thinks it’s attractive to say they have sarcastic dry sense of humour but I just get a sense of excessive self involvement from everything she says. How  many people actually think it’s polite to roll your eyes the whole time you are speaking to someone, say like half a million times and have a conversation with someone this awkwardly —

Reality TV
I remember when Survivor started, I was in sixth grade and our teacher thought  he would share with us this new “crazy” idea that they were going to try to make a TV show out of. We all marveled at the idea and now, 20+ episodes later, it isn’t such an extravagant idea. What has happened since then is disgusting — people are obsessed with watching people survive — literally. The amount of TV shows airing right now that are strictly shit about real people living their day to day outweighs significantly the amount of TV shows about anything else. I don’t have statistics, but I can tell you almost certainly it is the case. Although I think this phenomenon is pretty awful, I am not sure what is worse, the people who are willing to air all of their dirty laundry for the world to see in the name of making a quick dime or the TV stations who actually think it is appropriate to profit off of such tasteless means of making money.

I am a sucker for HGTV, I will admit, but there is a difference between watching a show about buying your first home and getting tips for when you want to buy your first home and watching Teen Mom and getting tips on how to successfully raise a baby at 15. If that doesn’t interest you though, you can totally watch a family hunt wild hogs, another family who have a small colony of children and don’t let their daughter’s cut their hair, or a woman who walks around New Jersey talking to random people about their personal affairs in public because spirits speak to her! Awesome!

Oh yay, they're celebrities now too! Let's glorify teens raising children and making money by exploiting themselves! YAYY!

 

Vulnerable bloggers

Forgive me if I have covered this topic before, as I have blogged quite a bit in my day I don’t tend to remember everything I write.

For me, blogging is a way to unleash emotions and almost make sense of my thoughts. It’s more or less the act of writing it down and seeing it all layed out in front of me that seems to be therapeutic, although the anticipation of waiting to see what other people will respond with is almost enticing. Having external input is either that confirmation that you can move on or that push to rework your train of thought and get on the right path. It may seem like a terrible analogy but I almost feel like blogging is comparable to sitting down and telling your mother about your day, generally you don’t do so  expecting her to just say “That’s nice!”, you seek some type of feedback.

Dependent on how much you divulge however, you can start to feel vulnerable and wonder if you handled yourself well enough in the eyes of your e-readers, or if you came across as a psychopath. As useful as it can be to vent it can also backfire, and once you’ve posted it you can’t really take it back if someone has already seen it. Yesterday’s blog, for instance, I posted a link onto my Facebook for those close to me to read if they so choose to. I figure maybe if they saw my head in writing they would understand what I have been dealing with and maybe be more understanding if I haven’t seemed quite the same. I didn’t do it to look for pity, I did it for understanding. Forget about covering my pin at the ATM, I just layed a whole lot of emotionally valuable goods out on the table for all to see.

Instantly after I realized how many more people were exposed to a direct link to one of my most vulnerable  posts yet, I started to second guess myself. I started questioning whether or not all of the people on my “friends” list were close enough “friends” to be reading this stuff, or how they would judge me. Granted I don’t have many Facebook friends, and most of them are family, I decided it wasn’t a huge deal.

Funny how I worried about how people I know versus complete strangers would react, isn’t it?

The post remains “posted” and strangely I do feel better. I still ponder where the line should be drawn though — how much is too much information for your fellow blogging community?

 

Tumultuous times

The week leading up to the week of November 22 was an exciting time for me, I believed my life was in order and I was honestly happy. What reason did I have to be anything  but joyous? I had a boyfriend who, although we had our ups and downs, made me feel closer to complete. I even had a stable job, I finally moved past my one year probation and my stability there saw me get approved for a mortgage on the perfect condo that I was to be taking possession of on the 22nd. I even had a trip to Hawaii for February to look forward to. Furthermore, as always, I had (and still do have) the most amazing support system compiled of friends, family and other peers. Much to be thankful for, and a pleasant future to anticipate.

Sadly, what goes up must come down and the high I was riding came to an abrupt halt. Few try to handle the roller coaster of life as best I do, although I would prefer consistent balance, I do try my hardest to get through the good and bad times the best I can.

Needless to say it began to tumble when trust issues arising in my relationship lead to unpleasant discoveries that saw a dramatic and quick end to something I felt like I just poured much of my heart and soul into over the past 7 months. Despite the fact that many consider me still quite young, as I am only 23, I feel like I have achieved a  lot and lived a lot, to the point that when it comes to relationships I wasn’t interested in a short-term committment. We had gotten to a point where we were having many serious discussions, even those of cohabitation and the like. My discoveries left me devastated and suddenly deceived by someone I thought was essentially someone else. I don’t feel details are necessary to justify my upset, just know, I felt quite low. Sifting through the details, I tried not to dwell on negativity and tried seeing some lights at the end of the tunnel, after all I still had much to look forward to — in 2 days I was still moving into my first home!

The big day finally comes, and the events of the days leading up were in the back of my mind, I was focused on the task at hand. My mom took a few days off with me to help get me set up and we had a great time even though we were mainly cleaning. That same day my aunt and uncle helped me move some of my large furniture and my grandma was going to come hang out with me the next day while I unpacked. The next day my grandma found out she needed to go check in at the cancer clinic for a follow-up appointment, luckily my mom and I both had the day off for my move so my mom took her while I stayed at my place continuing to unpack. I get a call later in the day telling me there was a problem and my grandma’s visit was turning into an overnight stay.

My productivity went out the window and all I could do was worry about my grandma. I called in to my work and extended my leave from moving to an extra day so I could go spend the following day at the hospital. Things weren’t great, but they didn’t seem so bad either when I went up to see her. Her and I joked around, and I even razed her about standing me up. She told me she’d come by once she got out of the hospital, she thought she would definitely be home for the weekend, preferably by Friday because she had an appointment to get her cataracts operated on. Nothing excited her more than thinking she could finally read again, and see Hawaii in February with her new “HD” eyes.

The next day, Friday, I went into work for the first time following my new routine — it felt great to be able to walk into work. Things were going great, everyone was asking me about my new place and asking me how my grandma was progressing. Mid-morning my aunt gives me word that the doctor didn’t have good news. It turns out the bone cancer that developed from my grandmother’s original breast cancer had damaged her marrow and thus she was no longer producing platelets or hemoglobin. My grandma was at risk of bleeding to death and her body was rejecting transfusions. I panicked and called my mom she said she would come grab me and my boss told me to leave as soon as I told her what I heard.

Friday, November 25, 2011 was arguably the longest day and night of my life. We arrived at the hospital where my 2 aunts (my mom’s sisters) were already waiting. We all shared tears but tried to be strong as not to alarm my grandma. Unfortunately there was something that I think overcame us all and we knew there was a large possibility that things weren’t going to end well. Our whole family was there by mid-afternoon and there we stayed. We waited and watched. What did we wait for? I guess to lose her. What did we watch? I guess her deteriorate. 

Hours ticked by, we all remained. Finally by 8am the next morning on Saturday I was in a lot of pain from not having anywhere to sit or lay properly and thought I should pop to my mom’s house to take care of the dog. The second I stepped out of the shower and the phone rang, I knew it was what we were waiting for, what I wasn’t expecting to hear only days earlier — my grandma had passed. Internal bleeding into the brain took her life. Was it always going to happen this way? Would she have lived longer if we didn’t take her for her appointment that Wednesday afternoon? Would it have been worse had we not known?

This devastation for me is unexplainable in so many ways. My grandma wasn’t old, she was 68. My grandmother was the kindest, purest woman I knew, so in reality she didn’t deserve any of her suffering either. My grandma was my second mother, I lived with her 22 of my 23 years; she was my best friend. My grandma was only joking around with me days ago, she didn’t get to see my condo, she didn’t get to make it to Hawaii. For what reason was it her time?  

This is my first great loss, and I am now positive one can never be prepared.

Bereavement time at work allowed me the following week off to help my family through the busy time, and to grieve. I try to say it gets easier every day but I don’t think it does. How are you supposed to react when people tell you how sorry they are? Say it’s okay? What if it isn’t?

Our family vacation in February will now be one meant to keep us together and remember the love we share for each other and for the woman who brought us all together. It’s hard to look forward to, because looking forward is just in general a hard thing to do right now.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my job stability and the level of certainty I had in that one critical realm of my life went out the window too. Government budget cuts, capacity issues and a mixture of a lot of things put me into the category of who knows where I go from here. Especially comforting with the new responsibility of a mortgage.

My mind is mixed, my thoughts are clouded. Tumultuous times are upon me and although I feel the universe speaking to me, I am really trying to figure out what it is telling me.

Christmas is upon us, as well as a New Year. I am trying to be optimistic and all I ask for this Christmas is to spend it with those who mean the most, and those who have been so supportive.

For anyone interested memorial tributes for Luanna Christensen may be made directly to the Alberta Cancer Foundation, c/o Tom Baker Cancer Centre, 1331 – 29 Street N.W., Calgary, AB T2N 4N2 (Telephone 1-866-412-4222, www.albertacancer.ca/memorial). Or general donations to www.albertacancer.ca/, www.cancer.ca.

Happy Holidays everyone.

 

/hiatus

In the recent months I have been quite absent from my blogging life; I have been ratherel occupied, as I have mentioned, with travel, looking for a home and just trying to get a grasp on what the heck I am doing. The main reason however, that I think I decided to take a break, was because I started seeing someone. Spending time with my boyfriend was a priority and started requiring more than a bit of my time and I almost started feeling guilty for wanting to explore my thoughts through blogging for all to see. Although one often needs ways to vent and express their thoughts freely to feel a sense of relief I started to question the whole foundation of my past blogging life.

First and foremost, is it fair to vent relationship woes publicly? What is the difference between blabbing to your friends about the things your significant other does to irk you and telling a whole whack of e-strangers? Should people who have a level of mutual respect for one another even have reason to spend their free thinking time picking apart their relationship?

I then started to think a lot about the health of my relationship and wondered if there is a point where the aforementioned doesn’t happen? I remember how hurt I felt the first time my boyfriend told me how his friends reacted and provided “advice” to him after one of our first falling outs. If there are sentiments you have towards a situation involving you and your significant other why can’t you just express them to that person? How fair is it to tell the whole world about all the awful things your other half does when they may not even have a clue you feel that way? What good is it to be angry behind their back? How productive is it? Maybe the things you are feeling are actually compeltely out of line, maybe you interpreted something completely wrong?

I’ve learned to accept that until you feel you can confront your partner with your concerns and be an adult about the way you feel you don’t have the right to be in that relationship. Having the next hot topic to gossip about isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be and you’re likely going to be more annoyed when people start giving you advice you don’t want to hear.

Ideally what you should boast to your friends about are the things you and your partner overcame and even then if you have resolved an issue as a couple and you have moved on, why do you need to keep talking about it? Resentment isn’t healthy and if you aren’t truly over it, don’t pretend.

 

Not so bon of a voyage

So it has been a long while since I have not only blogged, but even longer since I have blogged with substance. What a travesty, I know!

In my defense, my mind has not gone to mush and I still have many wonderful and enlightening things to say, I just haven’t really had time to sit down and put them into text. A lot has happened in the last little while — I acquired a manfriend, continued the search for a new home, took on more tasks at work, went to Mexico to ring in my 23rd birthday and road tripped from Vancouver Island to Calgary which included a stop to see Pearl Jam in Vancouver. Crazy hectic if you didn’t get my drift.

Most would imagine a week and half off with a vacation in Mexico and a mini road trip would be the best way to unwind. Unfortunately most wouldn’t expect to get sick for 2 and a half days in Mexico from eating a salad because endless tortillas, cheese, baked goods and salsa were starting to take their toll on me. If only I realized the salad would take a larger toll.

Although our resort was nice and it was great to finally experience a Mexican vacation like everyone else there were elements that just didn’t make it everything I was hoping it would be.

Word to the wise, don’t try and be healthy in Mexico!

 

Uppity?! Nah, it’s just proper.

I have had the pleasure of being in the presence of certain people lately who speak ever so “proper” and I love it! It is always such a pleasant surprise for me to encounter another person who can use eloquent words. It is also lovely when they can connect their words using some of the beauties that come from a colourful vocabulary. I would love if more people would avoid restricting themselves to using like a million and a half times or the same adjective twelve-hundred times in the same sentence. Life is just more enjoyable when you can use pretty words, or at least words with some shazam to them!

Some words I adore:

- allure, alluring, allured
- nostalgia, nostalgic
- epiphany
- euphoria, euphoric
- distraught
- endeavour
- repertoire
- cowardice
- candor
- irate
- ensue, ensuing, ensued
- deplorable

How’s that for an interesting blog? Just thought I’m remind you how much of a nerd I like to be, woot!

 

Following that…

That being that which I previously blogged about — I found a quote rather fitting :

I have always argued that change becomes stressful and overwhelming only when you’ve lost any sense of the constancy of your life. You need firm ground to stand on. From there, you can deal with that change.” – Richard Nelson Bolles

I am pretty confident that quote would indicate that I need to sort my shit out. Thank you captain obvious? Despite the fact that I already understand that I need to find my routine again and get things in order I feel as though in order to do it successfully and see an end to my stress I need to lower my expectations for this “order” that my life should be in. The main part of the quote that gets me is that of constancy, despite the fact that not all of the things I am dealing with are result of “change” they affect my overall sense of fulfillment and stability — constancy.

Accepting the idea that I may not find a new place to live, unwind and have to call my own again for several months is tough. Accepting that I may need to continue working in a somewhat unfulfilling role at work that I am over qualified for is also difficult. Accepting that I can’t shape people into who I want them to be and that their irritating characteristics shouldn’t be  my concern is also a significant learning curve. Accepting that love and companionship are amazing things that cannot be forced and require much patience is at best emotionally draining. And accepting that a year post-graduation I am still not anywhere near “wealthy” is probably the most trying.

Amid the aforementioned acceptances I need to finalize, can I find new constancy? How do I fulfill myself in other ways that can make up for the areas which are lacking? Is it possible to overlook such large gaps? Is there enough resilience in me to do so? I believe humans are strong beings, I believe if people around the world can overcome far more challenging obstacles  on a regular basis I can overcome mine. Small personal victories I believe will be the way, but now I just need to figure out what I need to be doing to attain these. Yoga or some other attempt at physical  improvement? Do something to help someone else ie: volunteer? Emerse myself in literature, TV shows, random hobbies and whatever else will distract my mind?

It is taking a lot out of me not to hibernate for the next 6 months — winter is approaching so it wouldn’t be completely absurd — but I have some hope that I will get over this slump sooner rather than later. Although I still socialize with the people I love, probably partly how I am still sane, I feel as though it also increases my anxiety. I am momentarily very content when my loved ones (friends and family both) are around, my mind is generally thoroughly distracted, but it doesn’t take long for the elation to dissipate once it is time to part ways. Due to the fact that most of those around me are coupled and/or at least very much doing their own thing  I think I am driven further into wanting everything in my basket of chaos to be figured out; I want to be a well oiled machine, I want to reek of independence because I am the only one who has nobody but myself at the end of the day.

 

Stress kills

I have always heard throughout school and read on workplace bulletin boards “stress is bad”, “ways to eliminate stress”, etc. but never really took to thinking much more about it. I had it in my head that stress was something that happened to people who weren’t resilient and who couldn’t organize their lives properly, all until I genuinely experienced the horror of dealing with it.

I wouldn’t say my world has come crashing down on me but it has come closing in, and I am feeling a lot of pressure. I don’t know what the pressure is pushing me to do but I feel a constant discontent and level of anxiety that is hard to describe. I never wanted to believe that one’s state of mind could actually result in physical ailments until these past few  months.

I’ve had people tell me to remember I could be “starving in Africa” or “homeless on the streets” and that I should be thankful I have  silly things to stress over. I realize I am not as hard done by as many people around the world, or even down the street but there are still things in my life that are affecting me. There are many great things that I have in my life to be thankful for, core things like amazing family, friends that are beyond words, a good job and roof over my head, but other things like finding a permanent place of residence, searching a companion, career development, finances, etc. are all also huge things that I feel aren’t quite where they need to be. I am a generally calm person and I try to rationalize things to avoid feeling the way I have but I honestly believe it is inevitable to feel the strains of negativity in some form or another.

On top of the mental agony, physically, as result of this stress, I have been going through bi-weekly physio, monthly deep tissue massage and  acupuncture  to treat the tensed muscles in my neck that have killed movement and functions in my neck and hands; stomach flu like symptoms for an almost 2 weeks straight; terrible acne flares; and intense migraines.

Friends, the message here is to keep grounded, do things for yourself and do not for one minute let people tell you that you are being selfish when you need to take a time out. Your health is important and I now know how critical it is for me to take a break, slow down and decompress every once in a while.

Happy Monday WordPress.