March 2009


I am sitting here trying to write a paper. Actually, I need to write two papers and study for my last midterm.  Instead though I find myself inspired to write about you. It’s strange how things can occupy your mind so easily.

Although I am confident I have plenty of room in this brain of mine it is not hard for it wander. I really do enjoy school, and my major. I generally even like everything we talk about in my classes I just hate the concept of being tested on it, or being graded on my opinions. I guess you could say I am against conventional education.

I wish there was another way to prove you are worthy — that could I suppose extend to all aspects of life if you think about it. It’s so easy to say I will allocate a certain amount of time to studying something specific, or by a certain date until I realized how much easier it is to day dream instead.

Pleasant memories and thinking about how happy I am about a certain aspects of my life almost seem easier than accepting my fate — I am not done school and I still have to work flipping hard to get to where I want to be.

Thinking back to the not so distant past though, I realize that you and I weren’t always so easy and that everything worth it in the end requires a little work.

BLEH.
/blog
Off to write scholarly works I go.

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating—in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”

Interesting food for thought indeed.

Some interesting documentaries I like.

Rock under the red flag
http://www.vbs.tv/video.php?id=1733286636

The vice guide to North Korea
http://www.vbs.tv/shows.php?show=1442318652

Toxic: Garbage Island
http://www.vbs.tv/video.php?id=1485308505

…and other cool stuff
http://www.vbs.tv

I will eventually accept the transition.

With the blizzard that just rolled in what better to do with my time than write a facebook note. It’s pretty hard for me to spell NOTE tonight however since my N is sticky. Stupid sticky keys.

This kid wrote a really retarded article about faculty dress code in the Gauntlet. He even made a few really asshole remarks. I feel like the Gaunt. is going down hill, then again I haven’t found that school papers were ever overly great.

Being sick is no fun, especially when my ears are going all out of whack. I also have to be extra cautious around the house because I can’t afford to get grandma sick. I feel so guilty for being in this state, I don’t know what I would do if she caught my cold because of me coughing or something. Chemo really takes its toll on people. I see a totally different person than I used to know. I remember when I would come home from school and grandma would have the whole house rearranged because she wanted a change and decided to move all the furniture around (couches and other large items included). Now she can barely move the chair out from the table to sit down.

I have so many mixed emotions right now, mainly because of what I have to deal with at home. School has definitely been affected by it. This semester at school started with a high note and kind of plummeted quickly — I am not a failure by any means but just not doing as well as I could. I also think it has made dealing with my “social” life a little more difficult too because most people really have no clue. Timing for certain other events that occurred also wasn’t ideal and made my coping way harder than I guess it should be.

Bleh.

Costa Rica is soon approaching and I am getting way excited. Having a nice trip to look forward to is really awesome although the approach of Spring classes is not overly exhilarating. Going to New York was a nice little get away but it was brief and the stress of everything at home was still close. I think being gone for 5 weeks will be just what I need… hopefully.

I wonder though if I should feel guilty for wanting to get away? The people who are in my life are wonderful and most of my friends have been exceptional, I just think getting away is what I need most.

Facebook has also become really annoying. All the random pictures of multiple characters that you are suppose to tag your friends in accordingly are stupid. Applications never end.
Messages can’t be taken back. People can creep you. People you want to creep never have anything interesting worth creeping. I waste my time on here doing essentially nothing and when I am not on Facebook I wonder what I am missing out on, only to find out it’s not much, too bad I haven’t come to accept the pattern just yet. Keeping in touch with people has never been so easy, which is not always a good thing.

Blogs like this make me sound pathetic — or fittingly so: awkward.

Momma comes home from Mexico tomorrow. I didn’t miss her nearly as much as she misses me when I am away but I do miss having someone to call from work all the time for random things. All my stories from the past week also won’t be as exciting a week old as they would have been right away, oh well. Apparently she peeled the 4th day there, I told her to wear sunscreen.