Its really frustrating when you give so much emotion and put so much effort into being with someone and they fuck it all up. Plain and simple, it sucks. It especially sucks when they don’t realize they want you until later, until after you’ve already been working to get over the situation and move on. Seems like it happens way more often that it should, why can’t people open their eyes? I guess that is the ultimate question pertaining to many things however it just seems to simple.

When you get a scrape or a cut and it scabs over in the healing process usually reopening that would is not a favorable thing to do. As a kid I remember being sort of infatuated with picking the scabs and letting them heal over again but we aren’t kids anymore, there comes a time when picking at that wound over and over again leaves a scar. I don’t want scars, I don’t want something with me forever that didn’t have to be.

There is a difference between ending things on good terms because the two people don’t get along and ending things for hurtful reasons. Even though I don’t necessarily consider a lot of the situations I have dealt with as purposely hurtful to me they were ill thought out and very selfish, which in respect to the relationship is bound to hurt me. I just see no reason anymore to continue letting people who never gave me any respect back into my life. I feel as though I am often times not given enough credit and maybe that is due to the way I portray myself, and thus my fault however, I just don’t think that is entirely it. Even then, there must be a point where they know me well enough to know the right things to say to have me feel it was safe to go back? Ohh the workings of the minds.

Hopefully one day I will get it right, and so will he, whoever that he is. I continuously challenge myself to have no expectations but at times it can leave me in contradicting situations and it is extremely hard to turn that part of your mind off.

It’s hard to stop reflecting on the past but I guess that is all just a part of life, right? You are always in the back of my mind, but I assume that will gradually change with time. It’s crazy to still have the warmest thoughts for someone now so far away from where you are used to them being.

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Elbow Falls, Kananaskis

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