I find it so strange to think of how this time last year was such a different time for me. I am sure the feeling is similar for most people but don’t you ever wonder how things like the seasons can be so faithfully similar each year while our lives are anything but? I don’t feel like change is always a bad thing but it would be nice to have an idea of what a year from now would be like sometimes — it may even be somewhat surreal if you could see yourself one year ahead. Referring to a previous blog I still believe living for the moment and enjoying what you have in the now is a virtue don’t get me wrong, and this is exactly why. We are ever changing ,thus premeditating the future in grave detail is almost impossible and awfully strenuous, however the concept of ignorance is bliss can also be detrimental.

Don't get caught under the waves

This time last year I thought my life was close to perfect, I thought I had it good. In reality, I did have it good, obviously perfect is hard to ever attain, so I guess being close was probably the best I could have gotten anyway. Regardless, when I think back on this time last year I invested the bulk of my analysis of my own life on other people. I was happy because I was in a relationship with someone I felt a deep love for and because my heart was at ease I felt invincible. Sadly I now realize more than ever you need to focus on all realms of your life and who you are first and foremost in order to get the whole picture and to also be well balanced. If I had fully realized other things that were going fabulously at the time that would always stick with me  and contribute positively to my spirit I would be far better off today. It doesn’t pay off in the end to focus all of your energies to one person, place or thing because you get a distorted version of reality and nothing left when that one variable has disappeared.

If only I could have seen a month ahead, or at least listened to what I was trying to tell myself. I was drowning in a pool of my own deception and because I failed to balance out my own life I got caught in the undertow for a while. I was upset for a long time and consumed with the loss of my boyfriend because I felt that he was the missing piece to my aching soul. Quite honestly my soul did ache in his absence but it wasn’t the only thing my soul needed and I didn’t see it because my mind was clouded. I will admit it probably took me until a few days ago to realize this but no matter how long the realization took, the fact that it finally appeared is what matters right now.

Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die, it’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive.