I was reading an article and watching and episode of How I Met Your Mother when I was inspired to write a blog about why we (women), or at least I, don’t want to date you and know there is no long term potential. There seems at a point in one’s life a number of “potentials” that have hung around a while hoping for the chance to date you, just like you are probably that person hanging around hoping you might be able to date a certain man. Unfortunately for these men the chances of you ever dating them, especially this many years later is slim, and it’s usually never because they are bad people. I thus write this in aide to men who are still on some girls hook and in hopes of inspiring men to enlighten us women on the reasons you won’t date those of us on your hook.

1. There is no physical attraction
As much as people say that personality is the most important feature and I generally tend to agree, if I am not physically attracted to you in some way it won’t work. I can’t help what I feel, or don’t feel but I know that there just needs to be a level of attraction or it won’t happen for me.

2. We have different ideas for the future
Although the future is in the future your views on where you see your life going are sort of important. If you see yourself living in the bush and living off the land my dreams of having a career in that involves office work and interaction with people usually in cities the chances of us being happy together will likely be slim as one of us will end up having to compromise our dreams for the sake of a relationship. Although people are important and love is also important I don’t think that you should ever have to compromise your dreams for anyone. There is a difference between minor discrepancies and completely different paths, and if our paths are completely different it’s not a bad thing it just means we aren’t each others’ “the one”.

3.  We have conflicting values
I for example am not a religious person, and although I respect people that are and I would consider being with someone who is, I could not see myself  being with someone who does not respect my choice not to be. If you want to impose your values on me or believe that one day I will change to favor yours then you have another thing coming. Like conflicting ideas for the future, no one should have to compromise their values (religious beliefs, political ideologies, etc.) for someone else as awesome as they seem in that moment.

4. You are not overly stimulating to talk to
Although we may be friends and we can hang out as friends no problem if I don’t feel fully comfortable talking to you and having conversations of different levels with you then the chances of us working out will too be limited. We may have super great conversation about music, or even sex, but if that is all we can talk about how happy will we be 5-10-20+ years from now still talking about that one band we loved all day? There comes a point when something as wonderful as music just doesn’t cut it anymore.

5. We don’t like any of the same things
How can you be happy with someone who doesn’t like doing the things that you like to do, listen to the same kind of music as you do or hang out with the kind of people you like to? Yeah we may get along in private when we catch a movie or grab a drink and talk about something generic but at the end of the day life is more than that and if you can’t completely share the rest of your life with each other then what is the point in dating? There is a lot more to being a couple than being able to spend a few hours together as friends and I don’t want to be confined to watching Hollywood hits and generic conversations for the rest of my life.

6. You have an obnoxious habit
Again, as friends obnoxious habits are usually easier to tolerate however I will not overlook that habit if I am considering a relationship with you. Whether it be drinking like a fish everyday all day and getting belligerent on a regular basis or being disgusting at inappropriate times you shall need to understand that it can easily turn people off. Often times too, if that habit is changeable you have already done the damage.

7. You don’t pay attention
Your 100% divided attention isn’t necessary at all times  however paying attention is somewhat critical. When I tell you things like what I take at school, what I do for work or and the like, you should make an effort to remember. Nothing is more offsetting to a woman (me at least) than a man who doesn’t care about anything other than what goes on in his world. Taking the time to learn the basics will get you way further than being ignorant, pretty obvious though? If you expect me to be interested in your band, interested in your soccer games or supportive of your work then you need to show me the same interest.

8. I know too much about your past
As a long time friend you have told me way too much about your past, especially in regards to relationships and I know your flaws and don’t exactly want to be your next victim. How stupid would I be to agree to date you after I already know you’ve cheated on all your ex girlfriends? Sometimes too much information is a bad thing.

9. You don’t have anything going for yourself
Again, you could be a fun person to hang out with but if all you do is live to party that is also not overly attractive. I don’t need you to have a university degree or a six figure salary but if you have no ambition to do anything with your life or any admirable goals for yourself it makes it hard for me to want to be involved any further than I have to be. Living in a basement sweet or a small apartment for the rest of your life drinking beer all day and working a dead end job isn’t exactly how I see my ideal significant other. Ambition is sexy.

10. You are a shitty communicator
I don’t need you to spill your feelings all  day everyday but keeping me in the know especially if you want to date me is sort of important. Talking to me on a regular basis also helps. I don’t dig this text me and hang out with me one day, then fall of the face of the earth business and pop back up a week later. What would a relationship with you be like? Too up and down for me, sorry friend.

Keep fishing

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