des – ti – ny
/ dĕs’tə-nē, dɛstɪnɪ /

1. the inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined
2. a predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control

As much as I am a believer of living in the now and enjoying what you have in the moment it is undeniably difficult to avoid thoughts of the future. So many things that have happened in my life push me reflect on, not only the past, but also what the past has to do with my future.

The ways in which we react to situations drives us down the path that is our life, always being redirected when new decisions are made. Sometimes life can even seem like some sort of experiment where your soul is the constant being introduced to ever-changing variables waiting to see what happens next. This however doesn’t always feel like the case to me, and lately I keep reflecting on the concept of destiny. Do our spirits already have some sort of predetermined destination, be it a place or person whose spirit you are uncontrollably tied to? So what happens if destiny is the ultimate director of your life and your entire existence is spent letting destiny take you where you are meant to be and to those who you are meant to see, do you always make it?

I do question myself and the logic I use to explain most of these thoughts however this concept is something that I just keep coming back to.  I have talked a lot about expectations and how they more often than not end up being detrimental and set you up for disappointment. I even got my latest tattoo to document, if you will, this time in my life where expectations that had been built up over a long period of time have done nothing but screw with me and leave me unprepared for reality. The idea of destiny taking this understanding of expectations into consideration almost provides a sense of comfort where I have realized that planning ahead and creating expectations for my future is redundant because “destiny” has a plan for me. But then I think the concept of leaving destiny to play everything out right for you also sort of goes back to having expectations of a future that eventually makes sense because there is some sort of spiritual element taking care of things.

What gives?!

I am so full of anxiety thinking about these things over and over, I don’t know how to shut my mind off. I want so much to understand and have some clarity in regards to various elements in my life but then I wonder if life is ever meant to be translucent?

If only there really were a book that gave you all the answers. For now I suppose I shall follow my gut. It’s just so crazy how uncontrollable physical feelings can be – the mind is far more controllable, who hasn’t talked themselves into or out of something at least once in their lives? Talking yourself out of a stomach ache or an all over queasy feeling on the other hand not so easy, is it?

New music to scope:
Fake Problems – Done with Fun
Fake Problems – Songs for Teenagers
Parson Redheads – Punctual as Always
Broken Bells – The Ghost Inside
Mayday Parade – Kids in Love
The Arkells – John Lennon
Gaslight Anthem – Film Noir