December 2010


Since I have been essentially as it seems lately, serial dating, I have chosen to make this part one. I don’t feel overly interested in writing a really long eloquent blog entry today so I will break up all of these faux pas entries and save them for days I feel most passionate about the issue — better blogging that way anyhow isn’t it?

The dating faux pas I have chosen for today’s rant/seek advice entry is that of dating a co-worker.

Basically I want to know what people’s views and opinions are on this! I don’t think it is something you can just automatically say is a faux pas because there are zillions of different jobs and some situations that would be more frowned upon than others. I have found myself interested in a co-worker, hence the interest in exploring the topic, but we work in different departments, on different floors and never really see each other at work except when we are at common workshops or after hours social events.

I see an issue with work place dating when the situation is a superior dating their employee as motive could be questioned, favoritism could be claimed and it really is unprofessional. I may even see an issue with dating if you are a close knit organization where everyone knows everyone and you are within cubicals of one another. My situation is far different however and I want so much for it to be okay for all involved parties but my “other half” (wishful thinking still apparently) thinks it could be a huge a career ruining move. I understand it would be awkward to break up with someone and still have to be around them all the time or accidentally run into them from time to time but a. I am the least likely to be vindictive and crazy after a breakup, and b. did I mention we don’t even really work together just for the same organization?

I have come to the point where I like him, he likes me but because we work under the same roof (which may I add doesn’t say anything about workplace relations) we can’t see where it would go. I find it somewhat irritating to think that someone can start out in a relationship thinking about the end firstly and thinking about it in such a negative way. If this man is the one who could be my future husband I may never get to experience that! What if one of us gets a new job? Is it going to be harder now pretending that we don’t like each other? Is it going to be awkward if we bring other people to work functions?

Stupid stupid situation.

I don’t know where else to take this discussion without some input so, please, help me out tell me what you think!!

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Lately through discussions and interactions with various people in my life I have started to realize that, despite the fact that I am generally a positive person, many of those around me are quite the opposite. I’m sure people have looked into some form of studying the efforts it takes one to be negative vs. positive in some psychology department somewhere but I have already come to the conclusion that positivity for most is just too tedious to exude.

I realize that there are certain aspects in people’s lives at times that require a change whether it be in response to health concerns, for monetary improvement, mental stability and/or the like. What I don’t understand is why people who really don’t need any of that still feel the desire to bitch and moan about things they need to change, or why they dwell on how much better the future will be only after changes are made. Like I said before, it isn’t bad to want to improve your quality of life and take advantage of improvement when you can nor is it wrong to continuously strive for excellence in things you do, but what is excellence? Nothing is ever going to be perfect so why exhaust yourself by always striving for it? Clearly we don’t go into work thinking we are going to do a sub-par job on a project but we also aren’t [usually] expected to drive ourselves insane continuously fixing it because there is always a deadline, an endpoint.

Truth be told, being overweight by 15 pounds isn’t really the end of the world — changing your whole life around, cutting out necessities and/or taking crazy pills to shed it and be “skinny” as fast as possible isn’t exactly logical or worth occupying your every thought with, in my opinion. Having a couple of pimples doesn’t always require Accutane or laser treatment, your body’s hormones fluctuate and you may happen to have an imperfection every once in a while, why flip shit and go to the extremes to achieve some current notion of perfection?

I know it’s hard for someone who is an outsider to determine what happiness and satisfaction for someone else is to be but I just feel as though, especially in our society, that people always see something better and are never taking time to appreciate what they have. I have begun making healthier choices when I eat  and have maintained levels of regular activity for my own benefit but I am by no means obsessed; I make wise choices but I don’t let it consume me. Things are going to happen that aren’t always ideal, you’re going to eat a sweet or two on occasion and the world isn’t going to end. I think people have it in their head that they need more (wheteher it be material goods or self improvement) than they actually do, again result of our society oversaturing the masses with bigger and better gadgets, smaller and hotter celebrities. Meanwhile the average person is only trying to get through the grind and live a happy life, why must we be polluted with ideas that make us doubt ourselves and what we have? The world is a beautiful place, accept it for what is has to offer, focus on the simple things and less on things that are often times out of  your control or just not meant to be.

I’m sure you can all relate to incidents of reacting to a situation without having any control. I experienced this recently, although I never thought I could be such a basket case and come out of it strangely enough feeling better. Who knew being exhausted from crying for a day straight could actually yield some relief in the end? This blog is one I have been meaning to write since then and I am still finding it difficult to phrase my words in just the right ways.

I received some news from someone I cared for a great deal, someone I loved and someone I thought I knew entirely all too well. No one died, nothing of the usual mourning triggered type tragedy even. For me, hearing that this person had become someone I never fathomed could exist and that this revelation of change had been going on all the while I thought I knew them I didn’t know how else to react. I am choosing to be vague in regards to this event not only because the situation has been so awkward for me to understand and piece together but also because I am not  angry with what has happened just really hurt that the entire situation developed the way it did. Like I often do, I needed a way to put my thoughts into words and I think I finally managed to do so somewhat coherently as requested in blogs before, bear with me.

Finding out someone you loved and saw in your future hid an important part of who they are from you the entire length of time you shared together is apparently devastating. The timing, medium of communication used and just in general how the new was delivered only seemed to add to the misery I was gradually feeling. I did and still do feel somewhat selfish for feeling so hurt despite our being separated for quite some time now, but like I mentioned before, my body reacted in a way I absolutely could not control. Initially I was taken aback but I thought I handled the news quite well considering. Half a day and some conversations later I was stuck in a rut and I really did feel like someone I had known was dead, I know that is another harsh statement but I don’t know how else to compare the way I felt — I was mourning a loss.

Some keep telling me that these feelings are the best form of closure for a relationship that lingered too long, but I currently can only think of it as my heart breaking all over again and that closure was easier to find before. There is just something about learning that a crucial part of someone you loved wasn’t ever made known to you that puts a bad taste in your mouth. Even though I know the secrecy wasn’t necessarily vindictive I just feel like everything I spent the last 2 years of my life living through and putting effort into was a waste, was a lie and was never as pure as I had believed it to be.

I assume I will move past this situation but until then I am letting my body do its thing and go through the emotions, as much as I seemed like a loon for a while this past weekend I think it was actually healthy in the end. I feel more and more relief as the days go on and I suppose am becoming more grateful for the learning I can do from the situation.