January 2011


vul-ner-a-ble
/ ˈvəln(ə)rəbəl / [vuhl-ner-uh-buhl]
adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.

Usually when vulnerability is used in description of another person it has a negative connotation to it; I don’t think I have ever come across anyone who believed being vulnerable was a good thing. I got to thinking though, and started to question why it had to be implied so negatively all the time.

When people are found to be in their most vulnerable of states generally it is a result of uncontrollable factors like loss, lack of experience, heartbreak and the like. Although experiences that generally cause vulnerability are less than favourable I don’t see the harm in losing yourself to emotions for a while, feeling hurt, feeling betrayed, feeling like you can’t trust anymore or feeling like you just have no idea what you are doing. In my opinion there is little else in the world that reminds me that I am alive than to have to experience these vulnerabilities. The more life we live the more instances of vulnerability we are exposed to and how we come out is how we grow, how we move forward and shape our futures. We were all inexperienced and thus vulnerable at one point in our lives so how can we go on associating that stage in others’ lives with something that is always negative?

An inexperienced child may be considered vulnerable to injury when they are near a hot stove because they just don’t realize the consequences of what could happen when they come into contact with the stove. Once the child gets burned they usually learn their lesson and although they felt brief pain they are far less likely to have to feel it again as they now know better. The basic principle carries out through our lives with most situations we have to deal with, we go into things without a clue or happen to be momentarily blinded and we get burned. Even though we’ve been burned we heal from the burn with skills in how to prevent future, perhaps more serious burns seeing that vulnerability as helpful rather than a burden.

Clearly, taking advantage of someone in an obvious state of vulnerability isn’t exactly a noble idea, however taking a minute to understand why they are could be. Exposing your vulnerabilities can be just as dangerous for an individual as it could be for an army in battle — when you let someone else know how you’ve been hurt or where you lack experience you could be giving the other party an upper hand. Although, when it comes to relationships would you ever honestly be proud to boast you hold such an “advantage”? I think knowing the details of such moments [to an extent] can be a lovely thing as I believe  intimacy can grow from it. Knowing another person is just as imperfect and susceptible to their emotions as you are can be comforting. In addition, it can help provide the leverage needed to take an extra leap of faith which could lead to something great, and even if it doesn’t at least the past experiences have matured you enough to see things off with a little dignity still intact. I think I would rather learn from my most vulnerable of moments than live my life with regrets.

Listening to wide varieties of music I have come across all sorts of songs that make me feel all sorts of things and even some that do nothing for me. What I have come to notice is that I tend to gravitate to the artists who are not afraid to expose their vulnerability through the words and emotion in their music. Honesty is a beautiful thing and instead of playing a situation off to be something different, why not feel the true feelings it conjures up? The Dallas Greens, Dan Mangans and Michael Bubles of the world don’t have large female followings for no reason, for a woman a man who actually appears to feel is almost, if not as sexy as some hunk of a man strolling a beach in a Speedo (work with my analogy here okay).

I am not 100% sure where I wanted this mind reel of mine to go however it makes enough sense in my head. Don’t be afraid to feel and experience life because you could render yourself vulnerable, you can’t live life completely while you are hiding behind fear. Being vulnerable isn’t always a bad thing, it’s just a constant reminder that we’ve never experienced it all.

So today’s faux pas is brought to you by a personal example that comes from frequently trapping myself and leading to my own demise. I don’t think I am horribly bad at “first dates”, as much as I get tired of selling myself in hopes that this one will buy I still think I come across as open, honest and generally content — there is nothing worse than someone who appears to be over-elaborating their stories, yearning to constantly changing the topic or perma pessimistic, right?

Some dates although they go well you can tell right away there will not be another date, some go bad and again you know there will not be another date. From my experience, even the dates that go well and end with generally pleasant goodbyes but never lead to a follow up call, date, text, email, etc. aren’t as mind boggling as those that turn into second, third and fourth dates. I believe, and rightfully so, the most confusing period of dating is the beginning as neither of you really know one another. What I end up doing in this  period is over-analyzing everything, even if it is all going well I continuously jump to where this is going to lead us and which labels should be placed where. I have come to realize from having those ever so joyous angsty girl chats and endless conversations with the roommate that it’s a common feeling for a good number of us — females at least.

What I don’t understand is why we get to a point where we can’t just live with what is going well and feel the need to categorize it all as if associating words to a relationship is going to solidify it or actually prove anything. Why can’t we just hang out, go on dates, snuggle and enjoy being together without forcing the relationship into a, well, relationship? I justified this thought process by saying to myself, and my comrades, that I was looking out for myself, I didn’t want to get hurt. When I got to thinking more about this justification however I started to realize I was almost contradicting myself; I have always believed that premeditating the outcome of a relationship  — ie: thinking about the end of a relationship before it has barely begun — is bad practice. I do think it is fair to want to protect oneself from harm, but I got to thinking that if you are hanging out with someone, even if you begin as friends and you both being to realize it could be something more, your attraction grows, etc. what’s wrong with staying with that and enjoying the ride?

If you can trust someone enough to open up to them, feel comfortable to spend significant time with them and even share intimate moments with them, why can’t you trust them enough to take care of your heart? I am sure both men and women come into these situations however I think women are  definitely the ones more often pushing to categorize everything and from my experience it is becoming more detrimental than preventative. Do you want to lose someone who makes you happy? Do you want to completely shut someone who soothes your soul out because they haven’t told you that you’re an official “couple”? If you spend your weekends together and periodical evenings after work together, do you really think they have enough time to pursue other relationships and jeopardize the relationship they are building with you in their “spare” time?

I guess out of this yet again jumbled up blog I spat out the faux pas we can get from this is don’t always think 10 steps ahead, don’t always feel the need to rush things — enjoy the ride.

This one is going to be short and sweet because any average person would probably assume the same conclusion as me? I only hope so I suppose.

So I had made arrangements, date, time and place, to meet this particular guy via text message a few days prior. The day of I have a bit of a mishap that I end up having to deal with so I text him to tell him I won’t be available for the specific time we had agreed upon due to this unexpected situation and asked if he was available at a later time during the day. Turns out my date is not available so I leave it at that and get on dealing with the situation at hand.

Sometime that same day I get a message from him asking if tomorrow same place, same time would work. I still not being fully available never responded.

The next day comes along and I had made arrangements to go visit mom and grandma, usual things I tend to do on a Sunday. Sitting at my moms I decide to check my phone and I have a message from yesterday’s cancelled date from about a half an hour ago saying he was at the place we were “suppose to meet” waiting. I just sat there thinking to myself, what the hell? Then not 5 minutes later I get another message saying he was no longer waiting, and he was leaving — hostility noted.

I decided I would actually refrain from a response because at that point I thought to myself — a. what kind of idiot shows up for a date when the date hasn’t even confirmed they were going to be there and b. if you were waiting for a half and hour and texted me during that time, thus clearly having my phone number, why wouldn’t you just call me and see where I was?

Needless to say, from this story comes some advice to those of you who think unconfirmed plans are plans — don’t!

Surprisingly, as per the statistics below, my blog did quite well in 2010. When I decided to start a public blog I didn’t really have any expectations but I can definitely say blogging has become something I really enjoy doing, especially when I feel like I have a lot to say. With stats to work from I now feel the urge to get more views, more comments and become a pseudo celebrity because of my blog — kidding, but more viewers and comments would actually be nice. Sometimes I get annoyed with how sporadic my topics are but I actually think it’s almost more natural that way because a mind is rarely ever in one place all the time and generally not even for a long time.

Moving along, I feel I owe it to 2010 to reminisce a little and dedicate some typing time to a year that was full of so many moments worth remembering. Structuring of the following is where I am stumped, maybe I should just stick with sporadic and unorganized?

Firstly, I can say I am thankful for the growing that 2010 made me do, the things I experienced to make me evolve into the person I am today. Obviously every year one changes to an extent always growing, learning and seeing things a tad differently but I really do feel 2010 forced all of the aforementioned on me more strongly than any other year has before. Likely, this is due to the fact that a lot of things I was once familiar with came to an end but I think part of it is also because I was more willing to see things, especially directly affecting my life,  with an open and positive mind. Graduating university and moving out of my childhood home were unarguably the most significant and life changing moments, yes because of what both moments represented in regards to the tranisition to “adulthood” and such, but also because I have known only that home and that role for the last 22 years of my life.

Perhaps directly related to those two major changes in my life, or at least anticipating them before they were fully completed, my mind was just in such a different place all year. I think it is harder to explain that I thought it would be but I have just had a different head on my shoulders, strangely enough I don’t think it has been a bad thing. I feel as though I have learned more clearly what and who are important in my life, that I need to make sure everything I am doing is going to satisfy me first and not someone else because living  with regret isn’t what anyone needs to do. I really did live by the motto do something that scares you everyday, I was bolder than I have been and I was probably the most honest. It’s really difficult to feel bad about yourself, your life or anything you have done when you know you have been completely true to yourself.

Relationships were less rocky this year, friends were at times more distant as they were also in their own transitions but our friendships were and are now far stronger.  Despite the fact that people are busy and lives are demanding there comes a time when you know what  you have and when you don’t need to question it; maybe there is something to be said about getting older and wiser. Each day this year I felt like I was doing the most learning, finding realization and clearly understanding  than I ever have.

All in all, I am more than content with the way 2010 played out. I thank all of the lovely people in my life and especially all of the people who don’t think they may have contributed to my successful year. Welcome to 2011 — don’t get lost in the past,  live in the now and don’t fear the future,  for if you are honestly being the best person you can be that is all you should need to do.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,300 times in 2010. That’s about 8 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 62 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 126 posts. There were 88 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 40mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was April 25th with 81 views. The most popular post that day was I think I’m breaking down.

 

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were twitter.com, shoutsfromtheabyss.wordpress.com, facebook.com, WordPress Dashboard, and kenziejoy.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for eva peron, evita peron, michaelle jean, marie antoinette, and intriguing words.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

I think I’m breaking down March 2010

2

Why am I here? October 2009
21 comments

3

Get off my hook June 2010
7 comments

4

Calgary Civic Election October 2010
4 comments

5

The tuition debate continues February 2010