So today’s faux pas is brought to you by a personal example that comes from frequently trapping myself and leading to my own demise. I don’t think I am horribly bad at “first dates”, as much as I get tired of selling myself in hopes that this one will buy I still think I come across as open, honest and generally content — there is nothing worse than someone who appears to be over-elaborating their stories, yearning to constantly changing the topic or perma pessimistic, right?

Some dates although they go well you can tell right away there will not be another date, some go bad and again you know there will not be another date. From my experience, even the dates that go well and end with generally pleasant goodbyes but never lead to a follow up call, date, text, email, etc. aren’t as mind boggling as those that turn into second, third and fourth dates. I believe, and rightfully so, the most confusing period of dating is the beginning as neither of you really know one another. What I end up doing in this  period is over-analyzing everything, even if it is all going well I continuously jump to where this is going to lead us and which labels should be placed where. I have come to realize from having those ever so joyous angsty girl chats and endless conversations with the roommate that it’s a common feeling for a good number of us — females at least.

What I don’t understand is why we get to a point where we can’t just live with what is going well and feel the need to categorize it all as if associating words to a relationship is going to solidify it or actually prove anything. Why can’t we just hang out, go on dates, snuggle and enjoy being together without forcing the relationship into a, well, relationship? I justified this thought process by saying to myself, and my comrades, that I was looking out for myself, I didn’t want to get hurt. When I got to thinking more about this justification however I started to realize I was almost contradicting myself; I have always believed that premeditating the outcome of a relationship  — ie: thinking about the end of a relationship before it has barely begun — is bad practice. I do think it is fair to want to protect oneself from harm, but I got to thinking that if you are hanging out with someone, even if you begin as friends and you both being to realize it could be something more, your attraction grows, etc. what’s wrong with staying with that and enjoying the ride?

If you can trust someone enough to open up to them, feel comfortable to spend significant time with them and even share intimate moments with them, why can’t you trust them enough to take care of your heart? I am sure both men and women come into these situations however I think women are  definitely the ones more often pushing to categorize everything and from my experience it is becoming more detrimental than preventative. Do you want to lose someone who makes you happy? Do you want to completely shut someone who soothes your soul out because they haven’t told you that you’re an official “couple”? If you spend your weekends together and periodical evenings after work together, do you really think they have enough time to pursue other relationships and jeopardize the relationship they are building with you in their “spare” time?

I guess out of this yet again jumbled up blog I spat out the faux pas we can get from this is don’t always think 10 steps ahead, don’t always feel the need to rush things — enjoy the ride.

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