February 2011

Is it natural for one to constantly feel ill from the unfavourable things happening around them, even if they aren’t directly related or even in the same area code? Is it normal for one’s mind to be forever obsessed with learning about the atrocities of the world? Despite the fact that I am a humanitarian at heart and have love for people, culture and all things unique, I also have this strong desire to keep learning about obscure and awful things, to dwell further into the plights people suffer. I find it fascinating to realize how different life is for everyone and it forces me to ponder whether or not you can truly relate to any one being and if you do how minimal the common ground really tends to be. Knowing the things that go on in my brain I can only imagine what sort of other various and random things go on in the minds of the billions of other people on this Earth.

I have been guilty, mostly in my past, of basing my happiness on other people. I used to believe I needed certain things (generally relationships) in order to be happy and lately, in addition to my increasing world sickness where I constantly feel ill learning of other people’s behaviour, I have begun to think it is time to reevaluate things. There is nothing wrong with loving the world around me, right? I take pride in knowing I am not completely ignorant to the imperfect political, economic and social situations globally. Perhaps though, not changing these sentiments, I should work towards, as mentioned in my last post —  self-fulfillment. Riding the ups and downs of the energies from everyone and everything around me is becoming tedious and although I don’t want to shut my mind off, I need to stop taking things so personally.

Wish me well — tomorrow shall be day one of Mission: Sort it Out. I really should have been a philosopher, then maybe I would know how to sort it out, then again I don’t think any of them ever had formal training either….


I thought I had done everything I needed to find contentment for this stage of my life, but I still feel utterly and completely unfulfilled. Is this feeling of a deep lack of fulfillment problematic or just me being overly dramatic? Perhaps it is a little of both, or perhaps it’s just “normal”? I have never been a huge fan of uncertainty, I know that much.

Due to the internal burning desire for me to have the answer to everything I perpetually run questions through my head, over and over again.What makes us feel “unfulfilled”? When we are unfulfilled does that mean we are unhappy? Is happiness the same as contentment? Why do I ask so many questions?

All great questions if you ask me… ha ha.

Conventionally, I have done essentially everything right. Despite the fact that I had a few hiccups as a rebellious boy crazy youth, I went through the awkward stages of middle school, I felt most of what the average child feels and I went on with my day. I finished stage one of the schooling process and made the decision to carry on as is expected of anyone who wants a bright future… right? Now I question if I should have travelled more, worked more, worked harder in school, been more social or just run away?

I always dreamed of working for the federal government and being important, doing something fantastic. The problem I find now is that I have a fabulous place to live, a great roommate and a job a lot of people would love to have but it still doesn’t seem to fit. I want to feel fulfilled, and lately I ponder whether that lack of fulfillment at this stage is because I think I need to find it in someone else, because I am still single, or because I really just haven’t done anything right? Where are all my answers? What gives? Why can’t I just be?

You can travel the world but you can’t run away, from the person you are in your heart.
You can be who you want to be
, make us believe in you, keep all your light in the dark
If your searching for truth,
you must look in the mirror and make sense of what you can see.

Just be
….  just be.

They say learning to love yourself is the first step that you take when you want to be real.
And flying on planes to exotic locations won’t teach you how you really feel.
Face up to the fact that you are who you are, and nothing can change that belief.

Just be…..

I was in the mood to watch some informative television tonight, probably due to a  full day at the museum setting a standard for mental stimulation today, however I didn’t find exactly what I was looking for. Often channel surfing leaves me unsatisfied and today it again left me to search the internet for something more stimulating to watch. I decided to check out the CBC’s documentary bank and came upon the one I have linked below.

You hear a lot about the big bad recession we just experienced but when it comes down to it the way people have been affected by it I believe is quite varying. What struck a chord with me when I started to watch this video was the fact that my father, like the men in the video, experienced job loss after 20+ years in his industry. He was fortunate enough to get a settlement good enough to live off of a while but, although he didn’t say it, I knew the idea of having to find a new job was frightening for him. In his mid 40s when this happened, my dad had outdated technical education from the 80s pertaining to his field of work, which is graphic design, printing process, etc.  Despite the fact that he had more than enough work experience looking for work proved challenging. As he was not as familiar with the new technologies companies were using, or even the way anyone else in the industry was doing things, my dad found himself re-enrolling in a program he took years ago to familiarize himself with the industry he thought he had known so well. Once he was finished his updating finding work took him back to fairly entry level positions in comparison to what he had been so accustomed to.

Although my father doesn’t relate to the portions of the film that talk about broken marriages or families due to the job loss, I still feel what must have been going through his head. It’s scary to think that you could be excellent at what you do, in a routine you have come to know very well over a good portion of your life and with almost a drop of a hat it’s all gone and you have to completely reshape your life. I give my dad kudos for being proactive in the situation but I also empathize with what he was likely feeling, and how lost he seemed during the first while after the lay off.

Sadly, I don’t think there is a way to properly link this video but I do encourage you to watch.


I found this quote somewhere along my internet travels and I got to thinking more about what it was saying. I don’t know if I can fully agree, although it makes sense  to an extent, I have to wonder if saying no to ‘sub par’ opportunity is always the right answer. Yes, don’t settle, don’t compromise your dreams and do strive for what you love not just what will do, but saying no to opportunities that aren’t exactly what you are looking for isn’t always good practice either. Places I didn’t want to be have often showed me far more than I could have imagined, and I have generally always come out thankful, despite the fact that it was not perfectly matched to what I was looking for. Comments?

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage–pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically–to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside. The enemy of the ‘best’ is often the ‘good.'”
– Stephen R. Covey