August 2011


I have had the pleasure of being in the presence of certain people lately who speak ever so “proper” and I love it! It is always such a pleasant surprise for me to encounter another person who can use eloquent words. It is also lovely when they can connect their words using some of the beauties that come from a colourful vocabulary. I would love if more people would avoid restricting themselves to using like a million and a half times or the same adjective twelve-hundred times in the same sentence. Life is just more enjoyable when you can use pretty words, or at least words with some shazam to them!

Some words I adore:

– allure, alluring, allured
– nostalgia, nostalgic
– epiphany
– euphoria, euphoric
– distraught
– endeavour
– repertoire
– cowardice
– candor
– irate
– ensue, ensuing, ensued
– deplorable

How’s that for an interesting blog? Just thought I’m remind you how much of a nerd I like to be, woot!

That being that which I previously blogged about — I found a quote rather fitting :

I have always argued that change becomes stressful and overwhelming only when you’ve lost any sense of the constancy of your life. You need firm ground to stand on. From there, you can deal with that change.” – Richard Nelson Bolles

I am pretty confident that quote would indicate that I need to sort my shit out. Thank you captain obvious? Despite the fact that I already understand that I need to find my routine again and get things in order I feel as though in order to do it successfully and see an end to my stress I need to lower my expectations for this “order” that my life should be in. The main part of the quote that gets me is that of constancy, despite the fact that not all of the things I am dealing with are result of “change” they affect my overall sense of fulfillment and stability — constancy.

Accepting the idea that I may not find a new place to live, unwind and have to call my own again for several months is tough. Accepting that I may need to continue working in a somewhat unfulfilling role at work that I am over qualified for is also difficult. Accepting that I can’t shape people into who I want them to be and that their irritating characteristics shouldn’t be  my concern is also a significant learning curve. Accepting that love and companionship are amazing things that cannot be forced and require much patience is at best emotionally draining. And accepting that a year post-graduation I am still not anywhere near “wealthy” is probably the most trying.

Amid the aforementioned acceptances I need to finalize, can I find new constancy? How do I fulfill myself in other ways that can make up for the areas which are lacking? Is it possible to overlook such large gaps? Is there enough resilience in me to do so? I believe humans are strong beings, I believe if people around the world can overcome far more challenging obstacles  on a regular basis I can overcome mine. Small personal victories I believe will be the way, but now I just need to figure out what I need to be doing to attain these. Yoga or some other attempt at physical  improvement? Do something to help someone else ie: volunteer? Emerse myself in literature, TV shows, random hobbies and whatever else will distract my mind?

It is taking a lot out of me not to hibernate for the next 6 months — winter is approaching so it wouldn’t be completely absurd — but I have some hope that I will get over this slump sooner rather than later. Although I still socialize with the people I love, probably partly how I am still sane, I feel as though it also increases my anxiety. I am momentarily very content when my loved ones (friends and family both) are around, my mind is generally thoroughly distracted, but it doesn’t take long for the elation to dissipate once it is time to part ways. Due to the fact that most of those around me are coupled and/or at least very much doing their own thing  I think I am driven further into wanting everything in my basket of chaos to be figured out; I want to be a well oiled machine, I want to reek of independence because I am the only one who has nobody but myself at the end of the day.

I have always heard throughout school and read on workplace bulletin boards “stress is bad”, “ways to eliminate stress”, etc. but never really took to thinking much more about it. I had it in my head that stress was something that happened to people who weren’t resilient and who couldn’t organize their lives properly, all until I genuinely experienced the horror of dealing with it.

I wouldn’t say my world has come crashing down on me but it has come closing in, and I am feeling a lot of pressure. I don’t know what the pressure is pushing me to do but I feel a constant discontent and level of anxiety that is hard to describe. I never wanted to believe that one’s state of mind could actually result in physical ailments until these past few  months.

I’ve had people tell me to remember I could be “starving in Africa” or “homeless on the streets” and that I should be thankful I have  silly things to stress over. I realize I am not as hard done by as many people around the world, or even down the street but there are still things in my life that are affecting me. There are many great things that I have in my life to be thankful for, core things like amazing family, friends that are beyond words, a good job and roof over my head, but other things like finding a permanent place of residence, searching a companion, career development, finances, etc. are all also huge things that I feel aren’t quite where they need to be. I am a generally calm person and I try to rationalize things to avoid feeling the way I have but I honestly believe it is inevitable to feel the strains of negativity in some form or another.

On top of the mental agony, physically, as result of this stress, I have been going through bi-weekly physio, monthly deep tissue massage and  acupuncture  to treat the tensed muscles in my neck that have killed movement and functions in my neck and hands; stomach flu like symptoms for an almost 2 weeks straight; terrible acne flares; and intense migraines.

Friends, the message here is to keep grounded, do things for yourself and do not for one minute let people tell you that you are being selfish when you need to take a time out. Your health is important and I now know how critical it is for me to take a break, slow down and decompress every once in a while.

Happy Monday WordPress.

So I am finally all moved in… to my mom’s house.

I am quite confident that I have had the worst first time home buyer’s experience ever. I keep wondering why I don’t have a reality show yet, at least I could be making money off of my plight.

I thought I had everything sorted, after my landlord notified us he was going into foreclosure I acquired a realtor and got to looking for places to buy right away. I had my difficulties with the first realtor and rid of him. I finally found an amazing realtor and we had found what I thought was the perfect place for me. My offer was accepted after a few counters and things were moving along well. The final day of finalizing document review and financing, a grueling period might I mention, CMHC failed the building in an inspection and refused to ensure me and my mortgage. Needless to say that meant it was back to square one.

We continued our browsing and the awful prospects made the whole experience all the more depressing.

Around the same time I viewed the place that fell through I saw another unit I liked but wasn’t in love with the neighbourhood. I went for a second and third viewing of this unit over the course of a week and started to outweigh my options. I realized the neighbourhood is up and coming so it would be a wise investment and the unit was perfect. I put in an offer. Another counter offer game and I found myself the pending owner of another property.

Things were looking up with this one, even got it for less than the first, but the asshole seller’s realtor kept taking his sweet time to send documents for us to review and anxiety started to kick in. He even went as far to mock my realtor on his very public facebook page. Despite all of that the documents came and I began reviewing them. Many issues addressed throughout and no maintenance documents to follow up. We request more information and that is when things quickly went downhill. It was like pulling teeth to get any help or any information and when they finally claimed not to have service records I decided to pull the plug — like I am sure most would. The pleasant seller’s realtor decides to continue being an asshole none the less especially now that I have backed out claiming we need to “hurry” to sign the cancellation forms so he can find a “serious purchaser”.

I don’t know how much more serious you can get when you put a significant deposit down and spend days reviewing mundane and ill written documents?! Living back at home is easily the greatest motivating factor in finding a new place now, I sure hope this process is over soon.

Since no one had any tips for me in the previous post, my experiences since then have given me insight and I will give any of you first timers out there some advice instead:

1. Don’t feel guilty for reading the fine print.
2. See 10 or 10000 places, don’t settle, but don’t have impractical expectations.
3. Cosmetic issues (paint, counter tops, etc.) shouldn’t always be a deal breaker — location, layout, etc. are the more important things to worry about.
4. Look beyond the current owner’s decor.
5. Open cupboards, closets and inspect everything you can.