January 2012


I guess it is probably quite normal for people to crave things that are bad for them. Usually you would associate “bad” cravings with things like junky food, cigarettes, liquor, drugs or other like items. What I find can end up being the most hazardous thing we tend to crave however is people, especially those we already know are bad for us.

Even as children we likely found thrills in the idea of hanging out with bad ass kids that seemed cool on the playground or were neat because they lipped off the teachers. Despite the fact that we knew these people were just giant nuisances something in us still yearned to explore that side of ourselves and befriend these toxic people. At whatever point in our lives we happen to develop relationships with not so favourable people there ideally comes a time when  we eventually realize that the phase needs to end. Once the process of realization hits we take the steps necessary to cut ties and by the end of the whole thing we’ve usually learned a lesson or two making us better, stronger, more complex and interesting people — right? Okay, sometimes I guess we have a lapse in judgement, and perhaps think this person has changed their ways when they really have not. Maybe we end up getting burned a few more times trying to fully grasp the realization that we keep craving something more hazardous than good, but that self deprivation only happens for so long right?

I used to believe I could credit myself with good judgement and, although I can get sucked in by stories of “great change” every now and again, it doesn’t take me long to re-evaluate and get myself back on track. I even like to think living by the “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” type logic is generally a good rule of thumb but, for some reason, I kind of suck at sticking to it. The worst part is, I’m not sure I am even interested in trying to fix these people or see them treat me or what we had any better, I am just addicted to them.

Recently exiting a very unhealthy relationship I thought I would feel liberated but for some reason I felt exactly the opposite. Because I knew I had fallen back into the world of perpetual dating and  dealing with emotions I wasn’t really interested in having to deal with again, I started to develop an anxiety like I have never known before. I feel the older I get the more afraid I am to have things in my life falter. You would think with age fears would be lesser, as you have lived long enough to have built up some resilience towards turmoil, but, I’m not sure anymore. Lately, every time things start to veer too far to the left I get spooked and I start to panic. With this panic I feel I start to crave the stability of relationships past. Even though they were terrible for everyone involved, my past relationships were more or less predictable and that predictability created a hazardous sense of stability, but stability none the less.

It seems sick to even think that the constant you want to attach yourself to is one that is so bad for you. It seems sick to think that you would even consider seeking to reconnect with someone who clearly has no respect for you, someone who has already made you feel so low. The good times weren’t even that good, but somehow in your head it doesn’t matter — what makes us become so addicted to being masochistic? Is fearing the unknown and feeling anxious about making new mistakes enough to push us into copping out and choosing to live it being treated poorly?

I am a pretty big fan of spelling words properly, using correct grammar and making anything I write look and sound half decent. Partially due to the e-world we live in and from experience working in a very specific industry I have noticed that there are an astounding amount of acronyms being used today. Furthermore, conjunctions are popping up all over the place. Why does everything have to be squished into one word? Why are people always looking for shortcuts? In my opinion, acronyms and made up 5-in-1 words are butchering our language as we know it. No, they don’t evolve it. No, they don’t make communication easier. Often times people start getting confused just trying to figure out what you’re trying to say. If you ask me, they actually regress us as a society —  if we aren’t careful this trend will consume us and we will all sound like our primitive ancestors who had little to no vocabulary.

By all means, if you want to be all “old school” again and sound like a high class ape, go for it! I prefer the “old school” styles of the romantic period and enlightenment when spoken language was eloquent and lovely to listen to or read, but hey, that’s just me!

Below are a few of my favourites –

tbh – “to be honest”
Seriously?! This statement, as I traditionally knew to use it, was meant as a way of showing sincerity. How does one imagine sincerity is possible when you can’t even seem to find the effort to spell the two 2-letter words and one 6 letter word it takes to flipping compile such a phrase? Also, you don’t need to “to be honest” intro everything you say, generally speaking when you tell me something I’m going to think your more or less always being honest with me?

Example of proper use :
“What did you think of my dress last night?”
“To be honest, it looked a little tight.”
NOT
Facebook wall post – “tbh you’re rly pretty!”

lol – “laughing out loud”
I don’t care if your internally or externally laughing and this most definitely isn’t supposed to take the place of period at the end of every sentence you text me. Also, this is really awkward to hear in real life, and by awkward I mostly mean stupid.

There is no proper use for this.

tbc – “to be confirmed”
I get that “tbd” (to be determined) is a popular workplace acronym and I accept it as so since it won’t be changing anytime soon. What I don’t need though, is someone using another acronym to represent the same thing a commonly used acronym is already doing. I worked as a summer student for the university faculty of medicine which happened to be apart of the conglomerate of buildings that make up our local hospital. Also apart of this conglomerate there is a building called the “Tom Baker Cancer Centre”. When my boss asked me to check the location of a meeting he was supposed to attend I told him “Tom Baker” as the meeting appointment listed TBC. He looked at me like I was crazy and wondered why on earth he was supposed to be going there for a meeting. I assured him that was what the appointment listed so, off he went. Needless to say my boss missed a meeting and I looked like an idiot.

Just don’t use it, or clarify which one your workplace is following?

Shitpoo, cockadoodle, sniffon, etc.
Do you actually want to tell people you have a shitpoo running around your house? I realize this is now what most new-wave pets are being called but shame on whoever thought it would be clever. Again, not hard to say “shih tzu poodle cross”, and, I feel like it even sounds a little better. There comes a point when people don’t even know what breeds you have mashed together and need to ask for clarification anyway.

Not sure what to suggest but imagine how bad it can get if we keep going down this path?

Don’t ask questions just know that this blog entry is necessary. Home reno and DIY television have started to skew my original idea of an ideal man. Although it may appear as though my standards have slumped, it’s not entirely true — my ability to think practically has just kicked in a little more. I used to be all about educated suit and tie wearing professionals but Carhartts are really starting to win me over.

1. Fireman/Paramedic – They save lives, how can that not be a. handy in case you need some saving or b. sexy? With one of these two around you always either have someone to put out your fire in all the right ways or someone to nurse you while you’re feeling less than optimal. Swooon.

2. Carpenter – They can build and fix things! Everything, anything! Best kind of man to have around the house. If you want a dream walk in closet with shoe storage, etc., etc. he is the man to make your dreams come true. Not to mention, pretty hot covered in soot and saw dust? Yeah! They’re also always the cute ones on the home shows.

3. Police Officer/RCMP/National Defenseman – Not only do they save lives but they also protect the community, the country, the WORLD. Figures of authority bringing bad guys to justice, and, making sure when we finally have children that our kids are safe from speeding cars in the playground zones. They’re the kind of men who make you feel all safe and stuff, ohh yeah. Hot. Do I even need to mention they wear uniforms? Rawr. Navy polyester, camo and bright red wool have never been so appealing.

4. Plumber/Electrician/HVAC/Welder (tradesman) –  Sort of the same idea as the carpenter’s appeal — these guys can be all kinds of handy. They aren’t quite as saucy as carpenters because their jobs are a bit dirtier (poop?) and far more specific so they might not be dream closet kind of handy. It is nice to know that these guys do have handy in them already however and chances are they’re going to be pretty decent at all kinds of other things.

5. Geologist – Something about these rock loving geeks has always got me a little giddy! Part of my adoration may be that I actually quite enjoy geology myself, but I’m not 100%. I guess geologists are attractive because they’re generally pretty smart, educated dudes but the kind that don’t mind getting dirty.

6. Civil, Chemical, Geological, Petroleum, Environmental (pretty much anything that isn’t IT related) Engineer – The academic tradesmen. Hot. Although engineers are infamous for being a “certain breed” (negative connotation if you know what I mean) I’ve met and befriended a lot in my day and I find most of them pretty rad. Something about seeing those pinky rings just really excites me.

7. Teacher – Um they educate the future, that is a pretty big deal. It’s attractive knowing a man enjoys being around kids/youth and will be able to set a good example for your future children together. Also, he obviously knows stuff about stuff. Gym teacher isn’t as awesome though, just saying. My personal favourite would be elementary or social studies, fyi, in case you were wondering.

8. Doctor – I’m not crazy about the idea of all sorts of whacko hours and the on call business, although I guess some of the above could be prone to that too. What I am crazy about though is the fact that these dudes are MEGA educated and can more than nurse your cold, they can overhaul your whole bod! Yay for docs.

9. Academic – Professors and published geniuses kind of academics of course. As long as the dude is making a living out of his academic ways instead of being a life long student waiting tables and living on a slummy couch somewhere — definite difference. I think being uber smart is awesome and living a life of intellectual enlightenment wouldn’t be so awful, plus people would always be so impressed by your husbands suave smartness.

10. Social Worker/Counselor/NGO – Yeah people usually think of it as a woman’s job to be a social worker or a counselor but I think choosing to help others as a career is a pretty noble life choice. I’ve met a few social working, counsel those who need it type men and I must say — impressive. If they go to Africa and hand out care packages to orphans — even more amazing.

Others that could be on the list but aren’t quite up there: Lawyer — I work with them everyday so the dream is no longer as awesome as it once could have been; Archeologist — similar appeal as Geologist; Historian — could be considered an academic; Mechanic — good to know he can keep the cars in tip top shape and use his hands well but just not as handy as others; Chef — man who can cook, kind of hot, but I can cook too…; some type of executive — dollar signs specifically come to mind.

Those that just don’t make the grade: Bicycle Couriers — arguably one of the most vile types of creature roaming the inner city; Garbageman — garbage just isn’t sexy and the smell is penetrating; Rigger/anything that pays obnoxious under educated men way too much money — I don’t have total disgust for this line of work and some of those who work up there are definitely trained professionals and even well educated but there is a giant stigma thanks to a lot of danks that work “up north” making hoards of cashflow that make the whole idea of a 10 on 4 off kind of guy not so hot.

I decided that I would like to go against the grain this year and instead of writing some type of “Best of 2011” to blog I will just make a random list of shit I have seen a lot of lately that I don’t understand. Perhaps I may even find some of you who are willing to enlighten me. Forgive my tactless titling and use of the ultra classy word “shit” 3 too many times but I don’t know how else I would categorize what I want to list.

In the last little while I have been noticing some — “trends” I suppose is the best way to describe them — which I do not understand whatsoever. I’d like to think I am still young enough to be in the know but I’m not sure anymore. I have also noticed some other things that I think make little sense so I thought I would throw them into the shit pile and compile a list. I know lists seem like a cop out for a blog entry, lacking content and probably going to be quite quick to write but I feel this is necessary; the following are the latest “trends” and other random shit I just do not understand :

Planking
I realize this was a warm up activity in grade 10 gym class meant for core strengthening and also an activity that looks a lot like sleeping, but what’s with pictures of people “planking” random objects all over the place? Don’t get it, doesn’t really make me laugh.

Lovely example of a "planking" girl, care of holytaco.com

Short boots or open toe heels and knee high socks
“Fashion isn’t supposed to make sense”. Wise words aren’t they? Screw that none sense, I am of the opinion that if you are cold enough that you need some uber high socks to act as pseudo-pants or to warm your toes while you wear peep toed shoes in the autumn you should just wear pants or put on some shoes meant for the season and it’s cooler temperatures.

Aww Kate Moss you look cold -- maybe you should wear pants?

Twitter
Yeah I said it, TWITTER! I thought Facebook status updates were bad enough but now people think their purpose on Earth is to tell everyone who will listen what they are doing every 60 seconds of every day. I don’t care if you are the Prime Minister of Canada or Justin Beiber, I don’t care what you want for dinner or how horrid your commute across the hall to the washroom was, and the rest of us shouldn’t either. I always thought Entertainment Tonight and irrelevant “news” shows like it were bad enough but humanity has gotten some kind of pathetic on us. Why the piss do you spend precious time during your never guaranteed days reading mindless bullshit about people who really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? Maybe you should try calling up a real friend and telling them about your day if you think it was so exciting you had to tweet every moment of it to the rest of the e-world?

Some may argue my blogging is just as bad, or worse, but I know you’re just saying it to make yourselves feel better. Go tweet about how upsetting my lack of Twitter acceptance is, please. Don’t forget to make up a lie about someone famous dying after, but not Bon Jovi because we know he is alive now that the truth about that lie surfaced.

I love Twitter as much as I love being waken up by birds outside my window chirping at 5:30 in the morning, thumbs down!

Lily’s dad on How I Met Your Mother
It may not seem like a big deal but I just don’t understand why Lily’s dad has to be so creepy and downright unattractive? I get that he is meant to be a weirdo but at least give me something better to look at and/or someone I actually find funny when he stops in for an episode. Bleeh.

The picture says it all

Zooey Deschanel
I get that she  is beautiful, I understand 500 Days of Summer was a good movie and I even get that she is a pretty nice singer but what the piss!!!?? Why are people so obsessed with this girl? If I had to have a conversation with her I would probably want to kick her teeth in before she even finished her first sentence. Sarcasm is trendy I suppose, everyone thinks it’s attractive to say they have sarcastic dry sense of humour but I just get a sense of excessive self involvement from everything she says. How  many people actually think it’s polite to roll your eyes the whole time you are speaking to someone, say like half a million times and have a conversation with someone this awkwardly —


Reality TV

I remember when Survivor started, I was in sixth grade and our teacher thought  he would share with us this new “crazy” idea that they were going to try to make a TV show out of. We all marveled at the idea and now, 20+ episodes later, it isn’t such an extravagant idea. What has happened since then is disgusting — people are obsessed with watching people survive — literally. The amount of TV shows airing right now that are strictly shit about real people living their day to day outweighs significantly the amount of TV shows about anything else. I don’t have statistics, but I can tell you almost certainly it is the case. Although I think this phenomenon is pretty awful, I am not sure what is worse, the people who are willing to air all of their dirty laundry for the world to see in the name of making a quick dime or the TV stations who actually think it is appropriate to profit off of such tasteless means of making money.

I am a sucker for HGTV, I will admit, but there is a difference between watching a show about buying your first home and getting tips for when you want to buy your first home and watching Teen Mom and getting tips on how to successfully raise a baby at 15. If that doesn’t interest you though, you can totally watch a family hunt wild hogs, another family who have a small colony of children and don’t let their daughter’s cut their hair, or a woman who walks around New Jersey talking to random people about their personal affairs in public because spirits speak to her! Awesome!

Oh yay, they're celebrities now too! Let's glorify teens raising children and making money by exploiting themselves! YAYY!