I decided that I would like to go against the grain this year and instead of writing some type of “Best of 2011” to blog I will just make a random list of shit I have seen a lot of lately that I don’t understand. Perhaps I may even find some of you who are willing to enlighten me. Forgive my tactless titling and use of the ultra classy word “shit” 3 too many times but I don’t know how else I would categorize what I want to list.

In the last little while I have been noticing some — “trends” I suppose is the best way to describe them — which I do not understand whatsoever. I’d like to think I am still young enough to be in the know but I’m not sure anymore. I have also noticed some other things that I think make little sense so I thought I would throw them into the shit pile and compile a list. I know lists seem like a cop out for a blog entry, lacking content and probably going to be quite quick to write but I feel this is necessary; the following are the latest “trends” and other random shit I just do not understand :

I realize this was a warm up activity in grade 10 gym class meant for core strengthening and also an activity that looks a lot like sleeping, but what’s with pictures of people “planking” random objects all over the place? Don’t get it, doesn’t really make me laugh.

Lovely example of a "planking" girl, care of holytaco.com

Short boots or open toe heels and knee high socks
“Fashion isn’t supposed to make sense”. Wise words aren’t they? Screw that none sense, I am of the opinion that if you are cold enough that you need some uber high socks to act as pseudo-pants or to warm your toes while you wear peep toed shoes in the autumn you should just wear pants or put on some shoes meant for the season and it’s cooler temperatures.

Aww Kate Moss you look cold -- maybe you should wear pants?

Yeah I said it, TWITTER! I thought Facebook status updates were bad enough but now people think their purpose on Earth is to tell everyone who will listen what they are doing every 60 seconds of every day. I don’t care if you are the Prime Minister of Canada or Justin Beiber, I don’t care what you want for dinner or how horrid your commute across the hall to the washroom was, and the rest of us shouldn’t either. I always thought Entertainment Tonight and irrelevant “news” shows like it were bad enough but humanity has gotten some kind of pathetic on us. Why the piss do you spend precious time during your never guaranteed days reading mindless bullshit about people who really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? Maybe you should try calling up a real friend and telling them about your day if you think it was so exciting you had to tweet every moment of it to the rest of the e-world?

Some may argue my blogging is just as bad, or worse, but I know you’re just saying it to make yourselves feel better. Go tweet about how upsetting my lack of Twitter acceptance is, please. Don’t forget to make up a lie about someone famous dying after, but not Bon Jovi because we know he is alive now that the truth about that lie surfaced.

I love Twitter as much as I love being waken up by birds outside my window chirping at 5:30 in the morning, thumbs down!

Lily’s dad on How I Met Your Mother
It may not seem like a big deal but I just don’t understand why Lily’s dad has to be so creepy and downright unattractive? I get that he is meant to be a weirdo but at least give me something better to look at and/or someone I actually find funny when he stops in for an episode. Bleeh.

The picture says it all

Zooey Deschanel
I get that she  is beautiful, I understand 500 Days of Summer was a good movie and I even get that she is a pretty nice singer but what the piss!!!?? Why are people so obsessed with this girl? If I had to have a conversation with her I would probably want to kick her teeth in before she even finished her first sentence. Sarcasm is trendy I suppose, everyone thinks it’s attractive to say they have sarcastic dry sense of humour but I just get a sense of excessive self involvement from everything she says. How  many people actually think it’s polite to roll your eyes the whole time you are speaking to someone, say like half a million times and have a conversation with someone this awkwardly —

Reality TV

I remember when Survivor started, I was in sixth grade and our teacher thought  he would share with us this new “crazy” idea that they were going to try to make a TV show out of. We all marveled at the idea and now, 20+ episodes later, it isn’t such an extravagant idea. What has happened since then is disgusting — people are obsessed with watching people survive — literally. The amount of TV shows airing right now that are strictly shit about real people living their day to day outweighs significantly the amount of TV shows about anything else. I don’t have statistics, but I can tell you almost certainly it is the case. Although I think this phenomenon is pretty awful, I am not sure what is worse, the people who are willing to air all of their dirty laundry for the world to see in the name of making a quick dime or the TV stations who actually think it is appropriate to profit off of such tasteless means of making money.

I am a sucker for HGTV, I will admit, but there is a difference between watching a show about buying your first home and getting tips for when you want to buy your first home and watching Teen Mom and getting tips on how to successfully raise a baby at 15. If that doesn’t interest you though, you can totally watch a family hunt wild hogs, another family who have a small colony of children and don’t let their daughter’s cut their hair, or a woman who walks around New Jersey talking to random people about their personal affairs in public because spirits speak to her! Awesome!

Oh yay, they're celebrities now too! Let's glorify teens raising children and making money by exploiting themselves! YAYY!