Here it is, the long awaited second excerpt from the pseudo-memoire I have been working on for what seems like an eternity. By presenting it like that, I sound like I actually have a following or a fan club but I am pretty sure that’s not exactly the case. Needless to say, here it is —

It was my second date with Distracted and for some reason I didn’t feel as excited to be hanging out with him as I remember myself being the first time. To be honest, he didn’t even look as physically attractive to me tonight as he did on the first date.  These feelings, or lack thereof, I believe were definitely result of his overwhelming stench of desperation for attention, yet disinterest in making any kind of effort. His “I’m bored” text messages every other night for the past week and a half were getting irritating. What grew to be more irritating was the fact that he never suggested we hang out anytime he sent one. It appears as though he figured bitching to me about having nothing to do was a good enough alternative. In my view however, this isn’t exactly the best way to get someone to hang out with you, or me to at least. Last time I checked when you were interested in hanging out with someone, and you have confirmed that the person you want to hang out with is also available you generally use that window of opportunity to ask if they would like to hang out with you. Maybe I am the only one who sees the logic in this, but I am pretty confident I am not alone. I can only begin to imagine how much fun initiating sex with him could be.

I may sound like a giant asshole when I say that because there could be several reasons someone would be reluctant to ask someone else out, simply due to things like fear of rejection or past mishaps. I, for one, can relate. I suck when it comes to making myself fully available to someone else because I’ve been burned but I acknowledge it and try to keep myself in check. Regardless, I have a theory that, as a man, you should exude some kind of manliness within the first couple of dates anyway, and being whiney about boredom, of all things, without having the balls to simply say “Hey let’s hang out”  if that is what you are interested in doing, isn’t exactly hot. As part of this theory, I also think that men are more aware of whether or not they are interested in continuing to pursue someone because women are the type who will, more often than not, always agree to a second date. My theories could very well be part of why I am still single, but I like to think of it as a fool proof system for weeding out the men who aren’t serious enough about dating me, and I am just not convinced giving  the man the responsibility to ask for a second date is too much to ask. I also pretty well lay out my theory to all the men I go on dates with so they know what I expect,  if anything it opens a good forum for debate. If that level of assertion from me is intimidating to them then I have an issue imagining us having any type of future together anyway.

Needless to say, there we were, finally on a second date, sitting at the pub having a blasé conversation about our days while he mulled over the menu. His lack of decisiveness while sitting there just trying to choose something off the menu began to irritate me too; I began wondering if this man could make any decisions in an efficient manner.  To make matters worse, while we sat there on this second date all he could seem to pay attention to was providing commentary to the various sporting events on the televisions surrounding us. I understand men enjoy sports, heck I don’t mind watching them either, but I don’t think I am alone when I say it is pretty bad practice to pay attention to everything except your date. A few dates down the road, or one day when we are hanging out on the couch at home, feel free to make all the sports commentary you like. Second date rule of thumb, I would say maybe make more effort to have conversation and get to know your date better. To make matters worse, he even went as far as pointing out a girl standing at the bar and commented on how manly her body looked – at least he didn’t tell me how hot she was right?

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Since I have been essentially as it seems lately, serial dating, I have chosen to make this part one. I don’t feel overly interested in writing a really long eloquent blog entry today so I will break up all of these faux pas entries and save them for days I feel most passionate about the issue — better blogging that way anyhow isn’t it?

The dating faux pas I have chosen for today’s rant/seek advice entry is that of dating a co-worker.

Basically I want to know what people’s views and opinions are on this! I don’t think it is something you can just automatically say is a faux pas because there are zillions of different jobs and some situations that would be more frowned upon than others. I have found myself interested in a co-worker, hence the interest in exploring the topic, but we work in different departments, on different floors and never really see each other at work except when we are at common workshops or after hours social events.

I see an issue with work place dating when the situation is a superior dating their employee as motive could be questioned, favoritism could be claimed and it really is unprofessional. I may even see an issue with dating if you are a close knit organization where everyone knows everyone and you are within cubicals of one another. My situation is far different however and I want so much for it to be okay for all involved parties but my “other half” (wishful thinking still apparently) thinks it could be a huge a career ruining move. I understand it would be awkward to break up with someone and still have to be around them all the time or accidentally run into them from time to time but a. I am the least likely to be vindictive and crazy after a breakup, and b. did I mention we don’t even really work together just for the same organization?

I have come to the point where I like him, he likes me but because we work under the same roof (which may I add doesn’t say anything about workplace relations) we can’t see where it would go. I find it somewhat irritating to think that someone can start out in a relationship thinking about the end firstly and thinking about it in such a negative way. If this man is the one who could be my future husband I may never get to experience that! What if one of us gets a new job? Is it going to be harder now pretending that we don’t like each other? Is it going to be awkward if we bring other people to work functions?

Stupid stupid situation.

I don’t know where else to take this discussion without some input so, please, help me out tell me what you think!!

I was reading an article and watching and episode of How I Met Your Mother when I was inspired to write a blog about why we (women), or at least I, don’t want to date you and know there is no long term potential. There seems at a point in one’s life a number of “potentials” that have hung around a while hoping for the chance to date you, just like you are probably that person hanging around hoping you might be able to date a certain man. Unfortunately for these men the chances of you ever dating them, especially this many years later is slim, and it’s usually never because they are bad people. I thus write this in aide to men who are still on some girls hook and in hopes of inspiring men to enlighten us women on the reasons you won’t date those of us on your hook.

1. There is no physical attraction
As much as people say that personality is the most important feature and I generally tend to agree, if I am not physically attracted to you in some way it won’t work. I can’t help what I feel, or don’t feel but I know that there just needs to be a level of attraction or it won’t happen for me.

2. We have different ideas for the future
Although the future is in the future your views on where you see your life going are sort of important. If you see yourself living in the bush and living off the land my dreams of having a career in that involves office work and interaction with people usually in cities the chances of us being happy together will likely be slim as one of us will end up having to compromise our dreams for the sake of a relationship. Although people are important and love is also important I don’t think that you should ever have to compromise your dreams for anyone. There is a difference between minor discrepancies and completely different paths, and if our paths are completely different it’s not a bad thing it just means we aren’t each others’ “the one”.

3.  We have conflicting values
I for example am not a religious person, and although I respect people that are and I would consider being with someone who is, I could not see myself  being with someone who does not respect my choice not to be. If you want to impose your values on me or believe that one day I will change to favor yours then you have another thing coming. Like conflicting ideas for the future, no one should have to compromise their values (religious beliefs, political ideologies, etc.) for someone else as awesome as they seem in that moment.

4. You are not overly stimulating to talk to
Although we may be friends and we can hang out as friends no problem if I don’t feel fully comfortable talking to you and having conversations of different levels with you then the chances of us working out will too be limited. We may have super great conversation about music, or even sex, but if that is all we can talk about how happy will we be 5-10-20+ years from now still talking about that one band we loved all day? There comes a point when something as wonderful as music just doesn’t cut it anymore.

5. We don’t like any of the same things
How can you be happy with someone who doesn’t like doing the things that you like to do, listen to the same kind of music as you do or hang out with the kind of people you like to? Yeah we may get along in private when we catch a movie or grab a drink and talk about something generic but at the end of the day life is more than that and if you can’t completely share the rest of your life with each other then what is the point in dating? There is a lot more to being a couple than being able to spend a few hours together as friends and I don’t want to be confined to watching Hollywood hits and generic conversations for the rest of my life.

6. You have an obnoxious habit
Again, as friends obnoxious habits are usually easier to tolerate however I will not overlook that habit if I am considering a relationship with you. Whether it be drinking like a fish everyday all day and getting belligerent on a regular basis or being disgusting at inappropriate times you shall need to understand that it can easily turn people off. Often times too, if that habit is changeable you have already done the damage.

7. You don’t pay attention
Your 100% divided attention isn’t necessary at all times  however paying attention is somewhat critical. When I tell you things like what I take at school, what I do for work or and the like, you should make an effort to remember. Nothing is more offsetting to a woman (me at least) than a man who doesn’t care about anything other than what goes on in his world. Taking the time to learn the basics will get you way further than being ignorant, pretty obvious though? If you expect me to be interested in your band, interested in your soccer games or supportive of your work then you need to show me the same interest.

8. I know too much about your past
As a long time friend you have told me way too much about your past, especially in regards to relationships and I know your flaws and don’t exactly want to be your next victim. How stupid would I be to agree to date you after I already know you’ve cheated on all your ex girlfriends? Sometimes too much information is a bad thing.

9. You don’t have anything going for yourself
Again, you could be a fun person to hang out with but if all you do is live to party that is also not overly attractive. I don’t need you to have a university degree or a six figure salary but if you have no ambition to do anything with your life or any admirable goals for yourself it makes it hard for me to want to be involved any further than I have to be. Living in a basement sweet or a small apartment for the rest of your life drinking beer all day and working a dead end job isn’t exactly how I see my ideal significant other. Ambition is sexy.

10. You are a shitty communicator
I don’t need you to spill your feelings all  day everyday but keeping me in the know especially if you want to date me is sort of important. Talking to me on a regular basis also helps. I don’t dig this text me and hang out with me one day, then fall of the face of the earth business and pop back up a week later. What would a relationship with you be like? Too up and down for me, sorry friend.

Keep fishing