Here it is, the long awaited second excerpt from the pseudo-memoire I have been working on for what seems like an eternity. By presenting it like that, I sound like I actually have a following or a fan club but I am pretty sure that’s not exactly the case. Needless to say, here it is —

It was my second date with Distracted and for some reason I didn’t feel as excited to be hanging out with him as I remember myself being the first time. To be honest, he didn’t even look as physically attractive to me tonight as he did on the first date.  These feelings, or lack thereof, I believe were definitely result of his overwhelming stench of desperation for attention, yet disinterest in making any kind of effort. His “I’m bored” text messages every other night for the past week and a half were getting irritating. What grew to be more irritating was the fact that he never suggested we hang out anytime he sent one. It appears as though he figured bitching to me about having nothing to do was a good enough alternative. In my view however, this isn’t exactly the best way to get someone to hang out with you, or me to at least. Last time I checked when you were interested in hanging out with someone, and you have confirmed that the person you want to hang out with is also available you generally use that window of opportunity to ask if they would like to hang out with you. Maybe I am the only one who sees the logic in this, but I am pretty confident I am not alone. I can only begin to imagine how much fun initiating sex with him could be.

I may sound like a giant asshole when I say that because there could be several reasons someone would be reluctant to ask someone else out, simply due to things like fear of rejection or past mishaps. I, for one, can relate. I suck when it comes to making myself fully available to someone else because I’ve been burned but I acknowledge it and try to keep myself in check. Regardless, I have a theory that, as a man, you should exude some kind of manliness within the first couple of dates anyway, and being whiney about boredom, of all things, without having the balls to simply say “Hey let’s hang out”  if that is what you are interested in doing, isn’t exactly hot. As part of this theory, I also think that men are more aware of whether or not they are interested in continuing to pursue someone because women are the type who will, more often than not, always agree to a second date. My theories could very well be part of why I am still single, but I like to think of it as a fool proof system for weeding out the men who aren’t serious enough about dating me, and I am just not convinced giving  the man the responsibility to ask for a second date is too much to ask. I also pretty well lay out my theory to all the men I go on dates with so they know what I expect,  if anything it opens a good forum for debate. If that level of assertion from me is intimidating to them then I have an issue imagining us having any type of future together anyway.

Needless to say, there we were, finally on a second date, sitting at the pub having a blasé conversation about our days while he mulled over the menu. His lack of decisiveness while sitting there just trying to choose something off the menu began to irritate me too; I began wondering if this man could make any decisions in an efficient manner.  To make matters worse, while we sat there on this second date all he could seem to pay attention to was providing commentary to the various sporting events on the televisions surrounding us. I understand men enjoy sports, heck I don’t mind watching them either, but I don’t think I am alone when I say it is pretty bad practice to pay attention to everything except your date. A few dates down the road, or one day when we are hanging out on the couch at home, feel free to make all the sports commentary you like. Second date rule of thumb, I would say maybe make more effort to have conversation and get to know your date better. To make matters worse, he even went as far as pointing out a girl standing at the bar and commented on how manly her body looked – at least he didn’t tell me how hot she was right?

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News flash to some of you — I have been dabbling a bit in the “online dating world”. My short lived, but definitely interesting experience has given me much to contemplate. I am confident I could probably write a book on the topic. I promise to elaborate better one day when I have the drive to write something more eloquent.

The top 10 online dating no-nos — in no particular order because they are all bad:

1. Posting the wrong pictures. This includes pictures of places and things with you nowhere to be seen and pictures of you and all sorts of people, especially the one with you and some girl in a cutesy pose –  I want to know what you look like, not what other women in your life look like and not what your group of buds look like 20 feet away in a group shot during your Vegas trip. Obviously the odd picture of you and your mom, sister, etc. or you and your best bud are okay but I’d say it is best to generally stick to pictures of you and only you. I don’t know about other people but I personally see photos as the easiest way to make a yes or no decision to pursue someone. I don’t even say that because of the need for some kind of instant sexual  attraction, I say it because if you are doing something stupid in your picture, you seem to have endless women in your photos or I can’t really tell who you are in the collection of snapshots you posted I’m probably going to lose interest quickly. Furthermore, I especially find it difficult to understand why some people think posting pictures of their cars, scenery and other random things that don’t even include them in the photo is necessary. Yeah, okay, you have a picture of you all masked up getting some air on your snowboard and I couldn’t tell what you looked like if I wanted to but at least it captures something about you and a bit of your character. Just because you drive a truck with some crazy flame decal on the side, despite the fact that it tells me something about you (you have tacky tastes), doesn’t mean it is crucial in helping me build up an idea of who you are.

2. Not posting a picture at all – Online dating lacks many elements of the conventional dating world. There is a large gap in the physical component of dating when you are stuck behind a screen reading text so why make it worse by not even including a picture? I am pretty sure I don’t need to elaborate on this point much more as it seems quite straight forward to me if you were online dating you would have a photo and expect the other person to have one too. It’s not like we are back in 1999 where digital cameras were few and far between, quite sure there has got to be one digital image of you somewhere on the world wide web.

3. Not including captions with your photos – Captions are not exactly a necessity for me but they can really help. If you have any of those faux pas pictures mentioned in faux pas 1 including a caption may help your cause a little. Explaining that the baby in your arms is not your child but rather a nephew you are rather fond of could make the world of difference. I don’t want to date someone with children and if I see you holding a child in your picture I am automatically assuming it is yours unless you tell me otherwise. If you tell me the baby in your photograph is your beloved nephew and you love kids that takes on a whole new appeal.

4. Writing nothing in the boxes you are suppose to use for elaboration – After reading profile after profile they start the sound the same. Do you know how many profiles I have read in the last week that all include How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, camping, hockey and travel as interests? When it comes down to it — I am glad you love those shows, I like them too. I am glad you you like travel but elaborate and tell me what type of travel and where — maybe you like all inclusive beach vacations and never want to venture out of the Caribbean or your resort which tells me we have completely different travel interests despite the fact that we like travel. Additionally, leaving most categories and boxes empty also tells potential matches that you don’t actually take your dating experience seriously enough to put in the effort.

5. Not being a paid subscriber and relying on women who have paid to message you so you can communicate with them for free – Relating to the previous point, this just plain shows  you aren’t taking the experience seriously. If you sign  up for the site and don’t want to fork over the same fees everyone else is why should I take the time to send you a message? If you were attracted to me or something in my profile enough to want to learn more you couldn’t because you don’t want to pay for the service, seems lazy and cheap. No thanks.

6. Not sending messages but “winks”, “pokes” or “nudges” instead – If you nudged me in real life and didn’t follow up with anything to say I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t get you very far. Same thing goes for online, if you like what you see then say so.

7. Sending the first message and only saying “Hi, what’s up?” –  This isn’t exactly a great opener. You’ve just read my entire profile, peeped my photos and felt the urge to contact me so tell me why, ask me something about what you read or share a fun fact, anything. In real life starting with a simpler opener may work easier than it would online especially because you have all the time in the world to think about what you want to say and edit it over and over if you so choose to giving you pretty good odds at saying something to intrigue me enough to send a reply.

8. Using poor grammar – Without face to face contact or means of orally communicating you have nothing aside from your written word to rely on. If you don’t know that a sentence starts with a capital, that commas are necessary at times or that “what” is a 4 letter word I am going to begin to doubt our chances of surviving past the first date. Obviously you don’t need a perfectly scripted and grammatically sound profile but (back to the effort thing) putting in some effort to sound polished and half educated would be nice. I have an education that I am proud of and, although I don’t require my potential significant other to have an ivy league education or even a degree, I do need someone who can keep up with me and is well versed in something.

9. Immediately asking for a phone number or Facebook friendship – If you are genuinely interested in me and getting to know me you wouldn’t mind taking some time to send a few emails to do so. What difference does a phone number make at this point? Why do you need to see my Facebook, you’ve already seen my dating profile! My Facebook is almost more personal to me than my phone number because it is very personal, there are all sorts of intimate details available by looking at someone’s Facebook (family, workplace, close friends and sometimes even home address). Yeah Facebook helps you get a better idea of how your date may look and help confirm or nullify details they have already shared with you but if you are that concerned maybe you should think twice about the date.

10. Telling me distance isn’t a problem when you don’t live anywhere near me – Yeah I understand the logic that some people argue in regards to distance not being an issue if it’s “meant to be” but we are e-dating here not fighting to preserve a relationship with your college sweetheart who moved away for 2 years to do their masters. People generally start online dating because they can’t seem to meet the right people the places they are going. To me online dating is a tool to open your options to show you those people you’ve been missing in the hustle and bustle of things. Long distance dating is the last thing I would want to find as an e-dater, unless I was interested in having a purely virtual relationship. I am bound to the rules of propinquity; I like having the person I am dating to be relatively close and convenient to me because I like to spend time with my significant other. Forgive me if I don’t want to spend 4 hours in the car driving to get to you or have to settle of seeing you only on weekends because you live so far.

What they said.

Since I have been essentially as it seems lately, serial dating, I have chosen to make this part one. I don’t feel overly interested in writing a really long eloquent blog entry today so I will break up all of these faux pas entries and save them for days I feel most passionate about the issue — better blogging that way anyhow isn’t it?

The dating faux pas I have chosen for today’s rant/seek advice entry is that of dating a co-worker.

Basically I want to know what people’s views and opinions are on this! I don’t think it is something you can just automatically say is a faux pas because there are zillions of different jobs and some situations that would be more frowned upon than others. I have found myself interested in a co-worker, hence the interest in exploring the topic, but we work in different departments, on different floors and never really see each other at work except when we are at common workshops or after hours social events.

I see an issue with work place dating when the situation is a superior dating their employee as motive could be questioned, favoritism could be claimed and it really is unprofessional. I may even see an issue with dating if you are a close knit organization where everyone knows everyone and you are within cubicals of one another. My situation is far different however and I want so much for it to be okay for all involved parties but my “other half” (wishful thinking still apparently) thinks it could be a huge a career ruining move. I understand it would be awkward to break up with someone and still have to be around them all the time or accidentally run into them from time to time but a. I am the least likely to be vindictive and crazy after a breakup, and b. did I mention we don’t even really work together just for the same organization?

I have come to the point where I like him, he likes me but because we work under the same roof (which may I add doesn’t say anything about workplace relations) we can’t see where it would go. I find it somewhat irritating to think that someone can start out in a relationship thinking about the end firstly and thinking about it in such a negative way. If this man is the one who could be my future husband I may never get to experience that! What if one of us gets a new job? Is it going to be harder now pretending that we don’t like each other? Is it going to be awkward if we bring other people to work functions?

Stupid stupid situation.

I don’t know where else to take this discussion without some input so, please, help me out tell me what you think!!